FrederickNCL 梁景能

MOVED

2008-10-15T23:39:00.003+08:00

I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS!!!
http://kcirederftrash.wordpress.com

wouldn't be removing this blog though... if i ever regret changing to wordpress, i shall move back.. XD

2008-10-15T14:43:00.002+08:00

haha. these are the photos we took during our mugging session!!! woots.

anyways, wanted to upload the photos that were taken in school... but something freaky happened... I COULDN'T FIND THE PHOTOS THAT JIANHONG SENT ME YESTERDAY!!! OMG!!! ):

superficial

2008-10-13T23:18:00.003+08:00

superficial... is that really the max that it can go? i seriously wonder, but i hope it isn't.

anyways, went studying with lun and kee ann today~ hahas. i must say i did some stuff, but it wasn't exactly productive though. but, we took some photos... haha. hope lun's com will revive real soon and i can update my blog with them!!!

realising

2008-10-09T19:52:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was the last official school day~
Initially, I went to school like just any other normal school days, dreading the fact that it’s another day of waking up early. But, when ms lim played that video she prepared, that indescribable feeling seem to surge through every part of my body. I don't know why, but at the moment in time, memories of the past flashed through my mind, and I begin asking myself what I have done for the past 2 years. Time really flies; 2 years seem to be just such a short time. It just seem as though I entered s12 yesterday. I can still vividly remember the very first time I see everyone of the class. That day, we were having some class session with ms lee, and I remember smiling to kin phang (because I heard quite some bit about him when I was back in acjc) and he looked at me as though I’m some insane freak. I remember sitting beside Wei jian and that’s how I first met everyone from the class.
2 years down the road, a lot of things have happened in my life. First joined hockey as my main cca, but things didn’t turn out well, and I was persuaded to join the floor ball team. I must thank those who encouraged me into the floor ball team, for I’m really thankful to have known each and everyone of the team. Though the times with them were really short, but I guess, the quality time we spent together really made the quantity not matter at all. I still remember the first nationals’ match we played, how we fought as one against our opponents, and how we cheered and jumped with joy when victory came to us. The happy moments we had, will be kept within me till the very last breath of mine.
2 years down the road, S12 has never failed to accompany me through the ups and downs of my life. I miss those days where we would visit Kbox, singing till our throats turned dry. I remember the very first time there and how I didn’t dare to sing because I was all too shy, till the subsequent sessions where I felt so easy singing along with everyone. I remember my 17th birthday there, where the MV almost brought me to tears, where you guys sang the very first lousy song that I wrote. I remember, the many times when I felt all so sad and troubled, and you guys would always ask me if I’m ok. The every little thing you guys did really meant a lot to me, for I really treasure my friends and the moments spent.
Unhappy things are inevitable in life, and I don’t deny that there too are times when things didn’t turn out well. But those times have passed and only the good will be remembered.
Those thoughts that ran through my mind brought me to tears. I didn’t wanted to cry, for I feel that its just so embarrassing, but those tears of mine just quietly creep out of my eyes. Looking at the every teacher that taught me, I felt so guilty. Even when typing this very post, tears still filled my eyes. I regretted not doing my regular tutorials during my year one days; for I guess I wouldn’t have that much of difficulty catching up in the 2nd year. I felt that I have let them down, for I know how much they cared and contributed to the wellbeing of every single one of us in class. I’m really thankful that the school has provided us with the best teachers of the college, guiding us through every doubt that we might have. It’s just that I didn’t know how to treasure them well.
I hate earth for rotating that fast and it’s yet another time to part. I hate the fact that we wouldn’t be spending every day together after that last official day of school. I will definitely miss you guys, for you are the ones who made my 2 years all so fulfilling and sweet. But parting is just so heart wrenching. But I guess, its just part and parcel of life. Though so, I hope and I pray, that our friendship will remain, though I know, it’s really hard, I pray…

inference

2008-10-05T21:58:00.003+08:00

thinking too much, infering too much into things, might sometimes just lead to lots of misunderstanding i guess? i think its time to think less :)
but still, its comforting to when friends can openly say everything and clear all misunderstandings possible. maybe thats the way to maintain a healthy and close friendship? hahas... but its really a blessing to have known all the friends around me. (:

i think i am starting to get used to it.
2 days into the plan, and i think its rather ok?
although i must say that i am constantly reminded of those things, be it because of the people around me, or simply because of my dreams. i must admit, i have been dreaming quite alot recently, various stuffs, stuffs that could even make me cry in my dreams. but i guess, time will heal all wounds? at least i hope that will happen. anyways, plan is still going on smooth. i just hope, this is the right thing to do. although i really cant bear to do so, but i guess i need to. falling deeper might just not be good.

jiawei's bdae

2008-10-02T00:37:00.003+08:00

shall post a little...
went to glass house to celebrate jiawei's birthdae todae...
was a fun dae... but too bad i fell ill.. kept wanting to vomit.. dont noe why...
so ended up nt eating much... haha., but i mux thank shalene tiff and kp for constantly filling up my plates... i bet they thought i didnt eat cux im on diet on sth... but nope.. haha. its just that i wasnt feeling too well. but anws, thanks man! i realli appreciated that...
anws, went to watch house bunny after that... super duper funny... hahahs... laughed like mad... nice show man!!! its a must watch... yep! tts for the dae... super tired.. shall blog more after shir uploads the photos...

anws...
they kissed... (:

sad

2008-09-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

GOSH! IM DAMN SAD! YES! I AM DAMN SAD!!!! but this time im sad cux of a different thing... im sad cux i failed my physics paper!!! urgh! i didn't expect myself to do that badly man. i think i have let down mr lim... sorry~ hais... i guess i didnt work hard enough for my papers? ): SAD X infinity... ok.. but like what mr lim and kinphang sae~ still hafta move on ehs... XD so i shall pick myself up and move on... lol... ok.. im blogging just to sae im sad... ):

anws, went to eat at pizza hut with s12b todae. gosh. we r totally a bunch of crazy ppl acting insanely in pizza hut.. haha.. but i mux sae todae is a fun and happy dae... damn ironic... for a moment im sad... the nxt im happy... and the nxt im sad again~

dont remind me of physics~~~

happy

2008-09-14T01:20:00.006+08:00

HAPPY!!! haha... yep! went out with s12b yesterday... lols. anws, went for steamboat at vivo!!! i mux sae its not really that nice though~ but it turn out to be cheaper than expected... yea~ its steamboat cum celebration of jianhong hilda and shirlene's bdae!!! haha.. damn cool rite?! hahaha.. ok.. im damn lame~ anw... here are some photos that we took!!! XD (ARR!!! but kinphang isn't in the photos cux hes late!!! NOOO~~~!!!!)

i tot me and kok agreed to make ugly face?! is he ugly???hhaha
omg. this photo is disgusting!!! lol

ooo.. anw, aft tt went out with shir kp and gary~ haha... went to kfc, den kopitiam... jus talked some random stuff~ but they actualli woke me up~ as in... from my emonesS? ok.. shibin and jianhong came to ask me abt this waking up thing~ actually, its just that the things that they did made me realise alot? maybe is because of the care and concern? haha... i mux thank them anw... oh... and actualli wanted to stay out overnite.. but my mama screamed at me.. i tot she was pissed... but end up she isnt... lol!! she just bu fang xin that i stay out overnite? hahas.. so in the end shir kp and gary pei me cab to bp... den they went to cine to watch bangkok dangerous... hahahs!!! i damn nice.. because i felt guilty, so i decided to stay up with them... XD moral support man! yeps! hahas.

the pact we made with gary~ ARR!!! KINPHANG POSER!!!

yea!!! frederick shall become a happy and healthy boy!!! wee~~~

223 entry

2008-09-12T14:14:00.003+08:00

this is the 223rd entry... time really flies~ Got a little bored right after prelims, and started to run through the stuffs that i have been keeping all these while. i realised how much i have in the little box of mine, letter, notes, photos, autograph book, so much so much that brought back memories. while reading through the every page, every letter, i smiled. how much i yearn to go back to the past, how much i hated myself for not treasuring what i used to have.
i never knew what it mean when people say that its good to stay as a child, what it mean when people say how precious innocence might be. now, i know. its such a blessing that innocence do exist in our life, how sweet it is, that everyone at that stage of life treat each other truthfully. you don't plot against people, you don't say you like the person when you don't, you simply give your all if u like that person. how straightforward life has been in the past, you just need not think that much into things isn't it?
As, you grow up, things really change, the people around you, the environment, every single thing just changed. yea, some might say, changes are inevitable in life, and i don't deny that's a fact, but sometimes, this stupid me, just can't stop myself from thinking back. comparisons kill, i know. i just wonder, how many people here, reading this post, agree that they have smiled less, laughed less as they grow up. for me, i realised all these turned into a luxury. i realised how much less i have been smiling, how much less i have been laughing, i mean, those smiles and laugh that really came from the bottom of your heart. i wonder if it is just so hard to stay happy, or is it just me who keeps thinking too much?
i guess, over the years, how people see me has never changed. bad, i must say. that proves that i haven really changed for the better i guess? maybe i should start some constant reminder to make myself constantly aware of the things that i do. i hope, within this year, i would change to be a better person. i pray.
looking at the every photo that i took, i saw the many faces that accompanied me through thick and thin and i hated life. i hated the fact of life that causes changes, and changes that causes human relationships to fade. at every transition in life, we seem to lose the one that we loved, the one that have been through thick and thin with us, just because we are forced to go on different paths, pursuing our studies. how sad can life be? how hard it is to find that someone in life, the friend that you can trust and depend on, and how easy it might be that he will be gone? it has always been the case since young isn't it? i remembered, how i silently sat in a corner of the class when we were allocated to different classes in our primary 3 days. i remembered how i lied on the table, ignoring everyone else in the room, and how my tears rolled down uncontrollably, because i knew, once we are in different classes, we will never be as close as we used to be. i remembered how i assured myself and him in primary 6 that even though we might be going to different schools, our friendship will not change, that we will try hard to keep in contact. but i guess, that never happened... maybe, i just didn't try hard enough.
i hope and pray... that such things will never happen again... although i know they will...

i told myself that i should do it, and i guess i will. if its meant to be it will be right? i guess i Will send out the letter then. if it ends like that, i will be convinced that i have tried.

AFTER PRELIMS

2008-09-11T01:28:00.002+08:00

YAYEEE!!!! finally~ prelims are over man! had the last chem paper yesterdae (since its 1.31 am now) hahas. i think im kinda screwed for the chem paper, as in, i thought it was kinda difficult, but some people actually said that its ok. wells, i guess im just nt that strong in chemistry yea? anyway, i just hope that i can at least get a decent grade for my chem paper~ *prays* hmm... but i guess, i didnt really put in much effort for this prelims. have been slacking my time away, studying halfheartedly. i guess, its too late to regret now~ everything is over.

anyway, had a whole day of fun today! went down to town to catch a movie and our poor weijian lost his phone in the movie theatre. i must comment the assistants over at the movie theatre werent exactly compassionate at all, as in to me, they looked kinda can't be bothered with the phone? BAD! hahas. anw, after the movie, went to stone at bpp macs den went down for bowling~ aww... we lost in the end~ sad. hahhas. went to pastamania after that~ gosh~ so broke after today.

saying i no longer care
im lying
saying i no longer think
im lying
saying i no longer bother
im lying
saying i no longer feel
im lying
but the world is full of lies
living in lies
that might just be what life is.

i lie, hoping to convince myself~
lying to the heart
lying to the mind
lying to the soul...

new slippers and bag

2008-09-08T18:59:00.004+08:00

WOOTS!!! thanks to both my sis~ I HAVE GOT NEW braziliano praia SLIPPERS AND reebok BAG!!! XD
Happy~~~

having physics paper 1 and 2 tomorrow... gosh~ i pray for good results~

jiaxi's wedding

2008-09-08T01:16:00.003+08:00

Went for jiaxi's wedding today... haha... vegetarian dinner... and i realise actualli vegetarian food can taste damn good too. (:

tired~ haven been really studying~ ): time to start doing some last minute revision for my tue and wed papers... hope at least... can get a decent grade...

i pray~

shirlene's chinese

2008-09-07T02:41:00.003+08:00

hahahs... this is quite a funny convo with kinphang and shirlene... i cant believe her chinese is.... hahahahhs... enjoy~! lol... im mean.. hahahs

=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i ask her.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
how do you sae 知足常乐
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
in eng
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
and she ask me wads tt
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
if tts "know how to enjoy"
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
faints.
shirlene ♥ says:
know how to enjoy lor
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
see~
:Þ Strike!!! says:
LOL
shirlene ♥ says:
huh i dont see where got wrong
shirlene ♥ says:
zhi dao the zhi
:Þ Strike!!! says:
HAHAHA
:Þ Strike!!! says:
ya
shirlene ♥ says:
uh huh
shirlene ♥ says:
= know
shirlene ♥ says:
xin shang
shirlene ♥ says:
= enjoy
shirlene ♥ says:
add tog = know to enjoy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
wa
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
xin shang???!?!??!
:Þ Strike!!! says:
dunno wad to type
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
where did tt word appear?
shirlene ♥ says:
oh shit
shirlene ♥ says:
shang le
shirlene ♥ says:
hhahahah
shirlene ♥ says:
issit
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
kinphang~
:Þ Strike!!! says:
wa
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
c6
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
=.=
:Þ Strike!!! says:
pls lei
:Þ Strike!!! says:
dun remind mi
shirlene ♥ says:
LOL
shirlene ♥ says:
LOL
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i see a freaking huge problem with o lvl chinese.
shirlene ♥ says:
haaahaahhahah pls tell me what is it
shirlene ♥ says:
I GOT A2

=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i bet u prayed hard for the paper.
shirlene ♥ says:
of cos i did
shirlene ♥ says:
=]
shirlene ♥ says:
miracle leh

:Þ Strike!!! says:
I BET U STAPLED 50 DOLLARS
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
HAHAH
shirlene ♥ says:
OMG
shirlene ♥ says:
OMMGMGGGGG
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
yarhs. tts wad rmks do.
shirlene ♥ says:
IDIOT

shirlene ♥ says:
WAD DOES IT MEAN
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
its describes rich man like u lorhs
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know how to enjoy
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
haha
:Þ Strike!!! says:
haha
shirlene ♥ says:
huh so my meaning correct?
:Þ Strike!!! says:
WA
:Þ Strike!!! says:
I CANT BELIEVE IT
:Þ Strike!!! says:
SHE STILL TINKS SHE IS CORRECT
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
shirlene ♥ says:
hahah i never
shirlene ♥ says:
but he say like tt ma
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
rich man usually knows how to enjoy life.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
hhaha
shirlene ♥ says:
ayyyy so wad does it mean
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
ask kinphang
:Þ Strike!!! says:
know foot always happy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
hahahaha
shirlene ♥ says:
lol huhhhh?
:Þ Strike!!! says:
zu is foot
:Þ Strike!!! says:
chang le is always happy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
hahaha
shirlene ♥ says:
but dont mak sense leh
:Þ Strike!!! says:
makes sense
:Þ Strike!!! says:
u ask fred
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
haha
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
yarhs
shirlene ♥ says:
=[
shirlene ♥ says:
then why u ask me
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
but i dunno how to express well in eng mahs
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know foot always happy sounds weird.
shirlene ♥ says:
what is know foot

=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know foot
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know ur leg.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
tt means like..
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
u mux noe ur limits of how much ur leg can take
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
den u will remain happy.
shirlene ♥ says:
wahlao okay
shirlene ♥ says:
chim
:Þ Strike!!! says:
yea

giving up

2008-09-04T23:35:00.001+08:00

从奢望
到期望
到盼望
到失望
到绝望

梦应该醒了吧

压抑自己的情绪

走下去。。。

happy

2008-09-03T01:40:00.003+08:00

frederick shall post a happy post today...

HAPPY!

hahas... rare huh? its been ages since my post looks happy i guess?
i dont know how to put it in words...
but i guess...
im both shocked and happy to realise how much ppl mite haf cared for me...

i thank those who tagged...
hahas... you guys have alwaes been by my side when im down... XD

through that incident... i realise how foolish i was... to neglect is a real sin... sorry...
feeling dumb due to unnecessary worries will never happen again... cux i will never let it happen again.. i promise...
best of friends...
i will alwaes remember that...

forget

2008-09-01T15:50:00.003+08:00

i am in a total lost now...
did all i could to distract myself...
played drum game...
swept the floor...
mopped the floor...
watched anime...
slept throughout the day...
drank...
but i just couldnt get myself away from this sadness...
indeed...
lotsa things happened over the weekend...
i wanted to confide...
but i realised i couldnt...
my heart is contracting every minute...
every second...
now i see the true me within...
i convinced myself that i understood...
every single thing that i have been thinking about...
but i realised understanding and accepting is totally different...
switching off my phone...
i told myself...
its time to close myself up...
maybe...
somehow...
if its not meant to be...
it will never be...
some may think that this post is about a single thing...
but i can assure u its not...
its more than that...
the sadness within...
shall be locked up...
now i truely understand how naive i have been...
i thought that i have found the one...
but its all just a dream...

sad

2008-08-31T23:06:00.003+08:00

4587926833766366386825586111
76476733968111
28847325473469682496822682326843733948463111
6694863377826384284876325584394453448464111
666288374696423464448286968111
96896853638373335488428929111
968968535878634636374774828464111
4873386844465442833462559368637663663946664226337363669436463696111
66946634697664111
49455925387376669373267111
732559111
968865363668862336626378294277966968724784329111
47845553788436377243111
6383734347325473111
4896853238436639466648732833276923787258648786384476824111
4264633333862111
788743111

physics

2008-08-26T16:04:00.002+08:00

today was kinda a short day! Had a 2 hours physics paper and thats it. Felt kinda screwed for the paper! gosh... i even forgot how to calculate the mass of the earth. hais... maybe thats just the result of insufficient mugging~ but i still hope that everything turns out well... (:
Went cafe cartel with tiff weijian and jiawei after the paper.. had a real good lunch and fell asleep the moment i reach home~ felt kinda piggish! econs case study tml... hope i will be blessed with luck... (:

a step back
how awkward a feeling
avoiding seems childish
but thats the only way i think
lacking self control
control over me...

hard

2008-08-25T18:55:00.004+08:00

now i know how it feels like to b an addict.
Kicking whats a habit is hard.
But i can.
Ever changing...

结束

2008-08-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

人生好像终究会结束。。。
要使地球继续转动的当儿。。。
万物都不变。。。因该会比较好吧？
改变。。。好痛苦。。。

weird

2008-08-22T01:53:00.002+08:00

haha. so weird. 4 posts in a day... ARRR~! but i just feel like typing something... but i just don't know what to say... mix feelings. lols. maybe i m taking too much things to heart... maybe i shouldnt... hahas...
ARR!!! i hate myself for thinking too much..
for caring to much... for giving too much...
if only i m a little more selfish...
if only i m a little more cant be bothered...
maybe it can help making me better off wil it?
but i guess i have turned smarter after every fall...
hahas... yeah... thats life rite? learning from your mistakes...
but sometimes i just repeat them over and over again...
ARRR!!! i should strt constantly reminding myself again..
):

a si ti gong tia gong kia...
wo gong dan bo ay ka ho kuay buay?
gong dan bo si mm si buay xiu a ni zue?
a si guan yim tia seh lang...
ay sai bo bi wa mai xiu a ni zue buay?
ay sai bo bi wa kua lang ka zun buay?

空虚

2008-08-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

在那寂静无人的夜里
空虚空虚
让那思绪飘浮不定
无限无际
看着那高空上的月亮
我默默的祈祷
祈祷那没有未来的渴望
努力努力
真的就能达到目的地？
还是三分天注定
来得更为重要了？
太努力也未必是一件好事吧？
执著执著
过于执著。。。
频频的提醒着自己
不行不行。。。
但我无法控制无法抗拒。。。
好累好累
却愚蠢的走下去。。。
梁景能。。。
是说你持之以恒。。。
还是笨到不行？

3 subjects down

2008-08-21T21:25:00.002+08:00

Had Econs and Chem paper today. Gosh! seriously could'nt belive that prelims have actually started! As in, this prelim doesn't feel like one!!! There is totally no stress, no nothing... Don't know what the hell i'm doing man! im so screwed... URGH!~ Today's Econs paper... Frankly, it was quite ok~ but there is seriously a lack of time... so i merely cut short all my points, cause i know if i do otherwise, i wouldn't be able to finish everything... so im keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well for my essay.. Chem is kinda disastourous!!! Initially while i was doing, i though it was a average paper... BUT!!! after the paper!!! gosh!!! i realised the number of grave mistakes that i madE~! i think i should be sentenced to death man! oh my god~ i shall pray that the number of mistakes that i made shall be kept to the minimum~ wouldn't wanna fail another chem test man! ):

a step forward...
caused a step back...
a little nicer....
caused a little hate...
a bit better...
caused a lot worse...
ironies in life...
but why this kind~

tearing in the dark...

wrong

2008-08-21T01:27:00.002+08:00

did i happen to do sth wrong again? ):

a little closer
a little closer
a little thought tt i haf been closer
a distance further
a distance further
a distance tt in fact is further
blinded.

chem remedial

2008-08-19T10:01:00.003+08:00

arrr! Having a break for chem remedial. Haha... Gonna send tis cute thing into my stomach. Wahaha.... Damn cute rite? Lol. XD ooo... N i see tiff jw n jh... Haha... Muggin worhx. So scandalous sia.... (=

before i slp

2008-08-19T03:22:00.005+08:00

its quite some time since i last blogged huh? So i thought i shld jus blog with my phone before i slp. (: haha... But shall kp it short cux i stil haf chem remedial tml. )=
actually... I blogged abt sth jus nw... But i have decided to kp it personal n nt to publish it... XD haix... Tis wk has been a realli tiring one... Prelims strts tml! And gosh! Im so nt prepared! For e past few days, went to mug w lou n shir at macs... But im jux gng so slow 4 chem... (as usual) tt al my other subs r left untouched. Hahax... Gosh... Ok... I tink im nt gona do wel for prelims. *sigh* but hopefully, it can serve as a wake up call for my As. XD
anw... Mug w lou til quite early yest... N we saw schling kids gng sku... N it jux feel so weird... Haha. We r students too... But we r roaming arnd lyk some dropouts... Ooo... N i tink e kopi roti at yewtee mrt is a franchise of tt at je... Or did i rem wrongly? Lol...
N 4am breakfast at macs is jux such a blessing! Oh. N nasi lemak is jux as rewarding. XD
Hmm... I guess enough of e updates... Its tym to slp... Nitex!
Oh... N 933 onli reads out my dedication wen shir sends it. )= but its nice tt they played e song i requested. XD
NIGHTS PPL. <3

i dunno

2008-08-16T21:15:00.001+08:00

i don't know.
i'm confused.
sometimes i thought improvement was made.
but the next moment doubts came into play.

201

2008-08-11T14:33:00.003+08:00

愚蠢
第两百零一则感触了
悲与喜伤与乐
点点滴滴填写了这部落格
回头看看往事
赫然发现自己的愚蠢
一次一次的受伤
却又一次一次的栽进去
一次一次地说要改
却又一次一次的失败
是性格的问题吗？
好想学学天灾的性格
不管他人的眼光
好想学学蜗牛的个性
不管他人的嘲笑
人的七情六欲
就一定要包含感触吗？
就不能活在自我的世界里吗？
如能抛开他人的眼光
做个真正的自己
那该有多好?
坐在那快速直冲的车上
周边的景色似乎模糊了
有时候，真想放慢脚步
慢慢的欣赏。。。
付出的，似乎都成空。
不在乎的，似乎却一直陪着我。
是时候了。
这一次。。。
我一定要为自己为真正关心的。
交待。。。

明明是讨厌
却装作没事
明明是讨厌
却为未来铺路
好可怕
人心真的好可怕
讨厌就不能直率的说吗？
讨厌却需要装出喜欢吗？
就算不让人知道讨厌。。。
至少不会违背良心的装出关心吧？
好希望每个人都能坦白。。。
好希望虚伪的人快快离开。。。
虚伪的你。。。
就是你。。。
你是人类中最要不得的东西。。。
不要再发出那恶心的笑声。。。
不要再假扮合群。。。
因为让人反胃。。。
因为让人憎恨！

?

2008-08-08T12:03:00.001+08:00

what can i say?
Its such a joke. Yea. I laugh.
I guess i must get used to it.

i tired it

2008-08-07T01:01:00.005+08:00

i tried it today, but i don't know if i did the right thing. but one thing for sure, it isn't what i would do usually. i guess, its just a fact of life that you have to give up some things to attain others, but i can't be sure if the trade off is worth it. maybe, through doing so, i am treating myself better, but i'm really not sure whether this is what i want. on a 2nd thought though, i realise that maybe i should, cux of the many things that have happened and i guess i should have learn from past mistakes. if i were to continue, i will just be trapping myself in this bottomless pit. so, i guess, maybe its ok to do so? hahas. at least for myself? sounds really selfish huh? but, yea, i shall just view it that way. at least for now.
went to je with lou and shir to develop photos for cip and study a little. when we were waiting for the photos to be ready, we went to this shop that says "cheapest in town" (if i don't remember wrongly?). i must say the stuffs in there are insanely cheap! hahas. seriously... but i guess its gonna close down soon... hahas. a pity man~ such a nice place to stock up~ XD yea. and went to do math! omg. i must say, im quite proud of myself that i actually did the paper for lecture! BUT!!! to my greatest disappointment, the lecturers are... *sigh*
ooo... i must say, today is yet another enriching GP lesson! hahas. love GP now man~ every lesson is just so interesting, especially with a "drama queen" as your GP teacher~ double GP is not that tiring after all man. (: but... we are only left with 1 session of GP~ *sighs* but hopefully we would make the best out of it yea?

i decided to take a little step forward
a step that i had never dared to take
i know it might not be right
but i guess i should do it
at least for now
i shall.

i choose not to see.
i choose not to feel.
i choose not to think.
i choose not to hear.
i choose not to care.

FOUND

2008-08-04T18:17:00.006+08:00

hmm.. thanks shalene, i know that my blog has been found. i know it will be, but i seriously didnt expect it to be that fast. i don't know how you guys got to find my blog, but i seriously don't wanna noe (ok, but i asked shalene, but she refuses to reply. anws, on 2nd thought i dont want to know) because i'm afraid that it will turn out to be something that i don't want to know. hahas. yea. according to the UN universal declaration of human rights article 11, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty (--> woots. i did pay attention during gp lesson man!). hahas. yea. innocent until provn guily! that shall be it for now. maybe i should at least convince myself to retain that basic trust i should have in all my friends. hmmm.. maybe i got cheated before (like the stupid mentos machine case~) but i shall continue my belief that i should trust my friends, cux they are who i will lead the rest of my life with.
hmm... i think alot of people think that im emo todae. i mux sae, its not really the case. trust me man. partially cux i felt a little tired, partially cux i just don't wanna talk too much. hahs. cux, the more you say, the more faults you will make! so i shall strt making my comments scarce. (: mayb people will appreciate that better. ok, maybe at some point in time during the day i got a little emo, cux as usual, im thinking bout stuffs again, but most of the time i'm not. i swear. XD i just wanna become more quiet, thats all. don't try to lure me into making alot of noise again k? hahas. no lahs, i don't think i will. at least for the week i guess. (: that shall be my aim for now! hahs. yea! hahs.
omg, i feel super guilty, but i guess my choice was right. i chose not to take my math test todae, cux i seriously didn't study and i don't wanna waste a practice when i am not sure of my stuff. i sincerely apologise to mrs ong, but i really cannot take the test. like what you said, we shouldn't decieve ourselvs, and i really don't want to. (: but i promise i will do the test on my own, timed, and not cheat myself.
anws, I AM RELIEVED! before gp lesson, i was still talking to cecilia about how our gp teacher would be like. i went something like " hais, hope the teacher isn't that strict. but i guess she wil be someone rather old? did she like retire 2 years back? omg." hahs. BUT!!!! TADAH!!! my gp teacher rocks man! shes a damn good teacher. in just 2 periods, i got enlightened like never before (not that my prev gp teacher wasn't good though... she is! just that hmm... maybe the way she teaches isn't the way i can learn... but i'm sure... others benefited alot from her lesson cux i mux sae she is a really patient teacher who never gave up on us... anw, i wish her best of health and a bright future ahead!!!) ooo... back to my new gp teacher... shes super motherly, friendly, kind, cheerful, in, and most importantly, SHE IS FULL OF CONTEXTUAL KNOWLEDGE~~!! she sure is a good gp teacher. hahas. with her arnd, 2 periods is like super short!!! we went like " huh? lesson is over? so fast?" hahas. this proves to show how engagin her lesson is man! ROCKS! hahs. hope that in the scarce time left, we would be able to make the best outta it and shine in our prelims. (hopefully...) *prays*
woohoo~ i think today has been a great day! i must say i have been a good boy *smiles*
hahas. good fred! hahas.
hmmm... but i guess i did tease shalene abit during gp lesson... hahas... cux she lured me to... she just cldnt stop herself from.............. (i guess you know what i mean?)
YEAH~!!! HAPPY FRED SHALL LEAD A HAPPY DAY TML!!!

p.s. im nt emo lahs. mayb abit. but i just wanna talk less. (:

straightened out my thinking

2008-08-03T23:46:00.006+08:00

yea. i have changed my blog add... haha. but i didnt tell anione except keeann cux he asked. yeah.. i tink some people will find it super weird why http://pasteurize.blogspot.com/ no long lead to that real emo blog. the answer is simply cux someone changed it to another address. not that i dun have a reason though, i just thought that a emo blog affects one's mood, so, i thought i should make it less available to everyone. its just such a pain to remain sad and emo, so i might as well let others lead a happy life and not be affected by my posts yea? hahs. yea, i guess throughout the years, through my blog, i have attained the title of being a emo kid. sometimes i thought why i have to be one, but mayb its just who i am? but i guess some people will think that im faking my way through the blog since i m that noisy and irritating in school. i guess, its time to remove that mask of mine? i shall not be that irritating and crazy animore. i hope i can persist and remove that mask of mine, as in, having worn it for such a long time, it kinda got stucked. but i guess, its time that its removed. i no longer see the need to look cheerful when im not, i no longer see the need to act crazy when im not, i no longer see the need to remain as the "wan bao" when somtimes i just get so tired of it. ironic huh? maybe upon seeing this, many will just exclaim "not want to remain as wan bao? what a joke!" but if you are to want to treat it as a joke, so be it. i no longer see the need to explain anithing of mine to anibody. i m really thankful to that someone. im serious. from the bottom of my heart, i thank him, for being so truthful to me. yea, maybe i did cry after seeing those, maybe i really got emo after seeing all those, maybe i really teared into dreams after seeing those, although my heart will suddenly contract, making me so uncomfortable after seeing all those. but, i thank him, for telling me the truth. i guess i have known the truth for a very long time. i know it, but i just refused to accept it. i thought i am right to continue since mayb i can appear less emo, and people will not say im dao and all those. but i guess, im wrong. goodbye mask, he reminded me of my stupid doings. mayb its time to stop. anws, this incident has also reminded me of what the fortune teller told me years back. i guess he is right, but i just didnt heed his advice. maybe, its time i do. treating myself better is maybe one of the solution. actually, i thought i should try not to care about how others look and feel about me and just be myself, but i guess it will be real hard. i tried it once, and it turned out that people are so against me. is it really that hard to accept the change? sometimes i just want to be who i am and not who others want me to be. no one is perfect in this world, but why is it that you choose to look at people's good but chose to look at my bad? or is it simply because frederick neo is just a rotten apple to all of you. many things happened all these while. all the words, all the actions, make me feel so hurt, feel so tired. yea, maybe sometimes i will just smile, i will just laugh, but i confess, deep inside, im really hurt. maybe its a joke, maybe im taking it too seriously, but have you ever thought that those words actually matched with some other stuff which further proved to me that my deductions were right? i really feel super lonely now. yesterday, i felt really down, but i could find no one to talk to. i wanted to find kee ann. but i know he wouldnt understand since we are in different schools, so he wouldnt know what exactly happened. but i must say, if anything outside school stuff were to happen, he will be the first i will confide in. maybe i should just count myself lucky, cux i have such a friend in my life. (: thanks kee ann.

anw, i m really glad that i changed my blog add. haahas. i know somehow, sooner or later, this link will be found again. but at least for now, not many people really know this link, so at least i can write alot, shout out alot, without worrying about how people will laugh at my post. its so stupid isn't it? my heartfelt words, every single word deep down from my heart turned out to be a joke. turned out to be something that people memorises and laugh about in their daily gossips. sometimes i just laugh my way through, sometimes i looked as if i cant be bothered, but i do. who wouldnt? you guys are my friends after all! what you guys say, what you guys do, mean alot to me. im serious. but mayb this line gonna turn out to be a joke again. hahs. thats fate, thats life. im a joker. but not the dark knight joker of cause.. im not that psyco... haha. but on a side note, he rocks man! his acting skills are superb. XD

ARR!!! ---> thats exactly i wanna do. i wasted these 4 days! hahas. 2 days cux i thought i should let myself relax, and the other 2 days cux i was straightening out my thoughts, cux i got really affected that i couldnt focus on anithing. i mux apologise to my family cux i think these 2 days, my temper was super bad. i sincerely apologise. but rest assurred, i will not do it again. if i say im feeling better, i would be lying. but i don't want to. i will put it bluntly. I AM HURT. but its okay i guess? the hurt is worth it, cux its better than any alarm on earth! it woke me up immediately. i learned, and i would change for the better. (: i told you that one should change. but we shouldnt change to fit what others want us to be. but for me, this time, its different. im changing into who i want to be. a better man. hahas. mayb by doing so i can attract more gals too. XD but with my looks, aiya. i think... forget it. i shall just change to be a better man to attract more friends. hahas.

WA!!! i realise by writing out all these my post turn out to be super long!!! omg. hahas. aiyox. i pity those who will be reading this post. sorry man~ make u guys go through such a long lousy essay. paiseh lahs! hahas. but this really made me feel better (eh. liddat contradict with what i say just now! hahas. but u should get what i mean?). WOOHOOOOO!!! thanks blogspot! for providing me with such a medium to express myself. hahas. arrhhs. maybe if there were to be any GP essay on blogging i can pen down my real life experience.. maybe... say " according to professor neo, blogging is a good way for one to relieve their inner emotions when they find they have no one to talk to..."----> memorise this k? maybe it will help you in your prelims.. XD

hm.. yea. i think i have written down all that i want to say...

oh ya. i tried writing another song yesterday... but i failed ): i wanted to include all those emotions that surged through my blood, but the tune doesn't seem to go right, and i keep having flashbacks which made me really irritated. so i abandoned. shall remember this feeling and pen down my lyrics another day... BUT I SERIOUSLY NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH ME GUITAR!!! or at least how to do cords with piano. I'm such a lousy grade 6 pianist. ha ha. i cant even do accompaniment. urgh... noob me!!! if only someone would enlighten me~ will i be able to start composing more noob songs. but i guess i still got a long way to go before i'm able to come out with something appealing... the songs now are like.. EEEEEE~!!!! hahas.

ok~ bye bye. i shall go off now. i have wasted 4 days... its time to do some homework for tml.. shall not disappoint my teachers. hahas. homework!!! here i come!!!

.............

2008-08-02T14:52:00.003+08:00

无言

沉默的天盖住我双眼
平静的海灌溉我双眼
无言
因为不知该说些什么
无言
或许我早就料到结局
我却欺骗自己
海滩是永远离不开海
那是祸是福谁来决定
水让人类有喜有忧
恨与爱就一线之间
付出太多得到是什么
我不知该做什么
付出太多得到是什么
我的心真的痛了
真的累了
文字掩盖了我双眼
文字掩盖了我的心
文字掩盖了我的魂
想让音符表达心意
音符却飘到海里去
海底捞针般找不到
望着黑暗的空间
静静的它来了
满满的慢慢的
陪伴我入睡
却冲不淡那忧伤

mixed feelings

2008-07-31T23:08:00.003+08:00

now i know why some people wanna blog in this way...
mayb sometimes u just feel like blogging...
but u need no body to see what you want to blog about...
cux u cant even express urself...
or u noe that you cant...
this feeling is surging through every part of my body...
this strange feeling...
this mix feeling...
i know i shldnt care so much...
but i cant stop myself from thinking....
i realli cant....
now, i jus feel like lying down.... and not do anithing...
just lie down there... shutting myself from everything else.
waiting is just so tiring.
its worse if its a aimless wait....

end of the week

2008-07-30T22:35:00.002+08:00

today marks the end of the week of schooling. hahas. yep! no school on thurs and fri!!! woots. how nice can that be... but i suppose, this also signifies that its time to really get serious in studying~ arrr.. but i cant seem to do that... can anione out there help me with this... ):

Anws, todae is the last session of our long term cip at bukit panjang primary school. theres this kid who went up to me and sae " im very sad. cux todae is the last session and we dont get to see each other animore..." at this point in time, i dont know how i should react. really. happy? cause someone appreciated the work that we have done? that we did help the kids in their math? or shld i feel sad? because we didnt put up a good show todae? in fact, i got kinda disappointed with the performance today. but i guess, i have no one to blame except for myself, being so inefficient, being so not prepared. its not that easy to lead the crowd i guess? no matter what happens, its always your responsibility to get things going right. even if people delay stuff, its you who should be chasing after the work, cause you and you are responsible for that. ahhas.. seriously, i salute those successful leaders... cux it really isnt something that easy. anws. yea. its all over. 8 sessions of hard work, its finally over.

our gp tutor is leaving. i dunno hw i should react, how i should feel. am i thinking too much into words? or is it just as we inferred? i seriously wonder. why is life so fragile, so unpredictable? i hate myself for not being a good student for the past few months. mayb i shld haf paid full attention like what i haf done todae, instead of dreading gp lessons. i felt the guilt, i apologise. but i guess apology can do nothing much, cux i realised this all too late. when she strted showing us the materials that she has prepared for us, it reminded me of how i complained that she doesnt compile stuffs for us when in fact she does. as she was going through those pile of worksheet, i had this strange feeling... and i hate it... i cant sae its sadness, but its just a disgusting feeling that i hate, i despise. nxt wk, theres a change, a new tchr who retired i guess? i hope its a change for the better... maybe its time that i reflect, that i look back... maybe its only this that will prevent me from ever regretting my actions.

a moment of warmth,
a moment of cold,
a moment of love,
a moment of hate.
its that difficult to reach,
its that difficult to melt.
sometimes i thought i succeed,
but i woke up from my dreams.
taking a little step forward,
but retreating a big step back.
should i or should i not.
am i or am i not.
doubt filled me...
answer me...
should i continue,
or should i stop.

unpredictable

2008-07-27T23:57:00.003+08:00

life is just so unpredictable isn't it? you never get to know just what will happen next, you will never get to control what might happen. just as happiness surrounds us, sadness doesnt let us off just so easily... its just hits one real hard, telling you... "hey~! treasure what you have... cux u never noe when u are going to lose it..." its so scary. life.

recently, i cant rem what i have done just 5 minutes ago.
i tired to recall the route back to the carpark,
but i never remembered how i got out of it...
i tried to recall what made me walk out of my room...
but i never remembered till my mum told me what i have done...
i dunno whats happening to me...
mayb im just scaring myself..
but i hate this feeling of forgetting...
what if im next in the line?
what will the people around me feel?
happy? or will they feel the slightest sadness within?
i realli wonder...
who am i and what i am to each and everyone out there...

naive

2008-07-23T20:22:00.004+08:00

naive.
i thought it would work out.
but now i noe it wldnt.
i used to believe ice cld b melted.
but it sometimes doesnt.
i thought its a step nearer.
but it isnt.
i thought i should sae.
but i realised mayb i shldnt.
i thought i can do it.
but now i noe i cant.

sometimes i take a step back, think.
thinking how the day have past.
this moment i might be really happy.
but the next life tells me i cant.
how cruel can reality be?
im alwaes woken from my dreams.
i hoped and wished i wld never wake up.
but that doesnt seem to happen.
i thought what i have done is fruitful.
but it just turns out to be a joke.
it just makes me feel tired.
whats the point of carrying on?
unappreciated... whats the point.

naive.irritating.childish.annoying.unaccepted.
thats me. frederick neo.

looking at it kinda makes my heart ache.
so near yet so far.
tts life huh?
mayb its just that i wldnt b able to get in in my entire life.

brushing up on gp.
realised how powerful words can be.
mayb i should read more.

lost

2008-07-21T23:56:00.004+08:00

i feel really lost...
lost for words, lost for sense of direction in life....
i don't know what i'm doing...
neither do i know what i should do...
i don't understand how you feel...
and i guess i'm only guessing my way through everyday..
i realli wanna strt doing something....
but nothing seems to start at all..
looking through blogs,
some caused me to tear...
mayb its the sadness within....
mayb its just me...
i dont' know...

in terms of my own life,
i think im really very screwed up...
i am not doing what i want to...
i am not even doing what i should...
everyone has woken up from their dreams...
and im still trapped within...
i think i suck in life...
cux i dun even noe how to handle my own time...
i tink i suck in life...
cux i cant even control what i want...
i need a tight slap...
to remind me im still alive...
to remind me there is still a life for me to lead...
sometimes i realli wonder...
why is your life taken away when u cherish it that much...
but if u dont, you get to live that long?
how ironic can that b?
is it just trying to tell us that we arn't suppose to cherish things that much?
does that mean people who can't be bothered with anything gets EVERYTHING?
i really don't understand...
we are all humans...
humans get tired...
once, twice thrice.... i did it more than that...
but its alwaes the same...
im like on a rollar coaster ride.. sometimes brought to the peak...
at the next moment all the way to the ground...
what am i supposed to do?
persist?
does that really help?
is it because its me?
tts y its happening this way?
i think i might just be the lousiest person in this world...
thats why such happen to me?
giving is to not expect returnS? HA!
what a joke huh? who can do that?
i sometimes wonder if its worth it...
at times i am realli tired...
not just cause of this...
mani other things...
a joke it might seems...
but it just hurt so deeply...
alone it might seems...
but loneliness is just so scary...
who can feel it for me?
who can save me from it?
noone i guess...
no one...
cux no one cares... no one bothers...
who will care... for such lousy person?
yea. a waste of resources~ indeed.

sometimes i think a little more
hoping that i can understnad whats within
sometimes i take a little step
making an advancement it may seems
but careful steps arn't careful
thinking more is just sinful
for getting hurt is me
for causing hurt is you
i wonder what im doing
i wonder if im right
i wonder whats next
i wonder if im well-liked
i wonder what ur thinking
i wonder what i am like
i wonder if im just random
just another passerby.

2008-07-21T21:01:00.003+08:00

i felt it come so near
sweetness in my dreams
i felt it come so near
perfect as it seems
i felt it come so near
praying in my dreams
i felt it come so near
smiling as it seems

but so near yet so far
further than it seems

i felt it went that far
bitterness unleash
i felt it went that far
parts of it missing
i felt it went that far
prayers left pending
i felt it went that far
endless tears falling

Tiffany's bdae

2008-07-19T23:36:00.014+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY!!!
hahas. im so nice... using super big font size for her... anw, went to sakura at science centre to celebrate tiff's bdae todae... ate like never before... and i guess i have grown fatter by a 100 times after this meal... didnt even eat much later in the nite for dinner... cux the food is still there in my stomach. hahs. yep. and we played zong zi mi ma... it was damn gross... ewww... luckily my forfeit wasnt that bad. hahas. anw. went to the "playground" after that.. and also sat the stimulator... but i mux sae... the stimulator is a total waste of money.. its just like a jerky bus ride.. =.= it totally pales in comparison with the past. yep.. and the following are photos of the day!!! enjoy~

mirror mirror on the wall...

i dun understand why are there the 2 bright dots

eeewww...

lol. kokhao claims that his lips are hot

before going out~

tsk tsk... who is that someone ehs?

hahas. kinphang's lego art.

FREDERICK!

WEIJIAN!

kinphang and I (:

hilda and tiff (:

Emo shot. lol.

AND NOW....

ITS TIME FOR....

CANDID SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet dreams

kinphang and his usual smileshirlene is just so happy with kinphang arnd...sleepy tiffi'm sleepy too...

are u looking at me?

IM FALLING!!!

AWW... dun b emo~

hilda's tinking of cyc...

sweet dreams part 2

AND NOW~

THE LONG AWAITED!!!!

SINGAPORE'S NEXT TOP MODEL!!!

LOL...

tts all folks! hahas. hope the photos are kinda entertaining... lol... (:

MJC VS NJC cum dinner

2008-07-18T22:04:00.001+08:00

blogged this on floorball blog... tot that i shall make a copy here... XD

WELCOME TO fREDSPORTS.SG!!!

YO! My fellow floorball mates!!! this is the latest updates on the girls' match against MJC today...

i really think that you guys have done well...

so no more emoing~

no more crying~

no more blaming urself~

cux u guys are the BEST TEAM EVER!

yep. fREDSPORTS.sg is here to bring you photos to brighten up ur day... and i guarantee that it will be MUCH MUCH MUCH better than some other sports website out there...

with prettier photos...

and cuter people... XD

LETS GO NJ LETS GO!

GIVE ME BACK MY BALL!

THE SUPPORTERS:
On our way to tampines square (actually its century square.. but thats what mer said...)
thanks huijun for teaching me how to spell tampines =.-

we happened to find some people getting stucked in the middle of the road...

:O and they happen to be...

n...

j...

c...

FLOORBALLERS!!!

How slow can they be~

Dinner time~

WA~ cool ppl huh?

AND THEY SHALL BLESS THE GALS' MATCH ON TUE WITH THEIR SUPER BIG SMILE~

GO NJ!

it all ended

2008-07-15T18:39:00.011+08:00

it all ended...
yea... it all ended just like that...
after 4 matches, 12 goals, numerous shots, numerous saves, numerous injuries, moments of sadness, moments of joy, moments of almost crying out of happiness, moments of rushing all out to celebrate that it went in... it all ended...
but i'm sure, it all ended with us being proud,with us holding our heads high, with us shouting out loud "NJ"! cause njc floorball guys team, we made it!
we might not have made it into the semi finals,
but our hard work brought us to being 3rd in the group.
we might nt have made it into the top4s,
but our hard work told us we could.
we might not have capitalize on every chance that we could,
but our hard work told us we won as we should.
no one can now say that nj floorball is just a cca that will bottom the chart! did you even manage to go as far as we do? nope i dont think so... the gals made it into the semis, they made it into the top 4. i'm sure lots of other ccas in nj dont even manage to come near to that.. so what makes you think that you are better than we do? na!
rem the days when we were always the last in consideration... we could only use the gym when no one else wanted to. we could only use the D when no one else would. but what now makes u more superior than us? did u do better or even on par? i dare sae not! we have made it... we have shown that we arn't weaker than they are... we proved ourselves strong, and we deserve more than they should!
im gonna miss the days where we have to wait long hours before cca starts on tuesdays... im gonna miss the days where we train 4 times a week for a common aim... im going to miss the days where i complain about how huge my bag is, and how troublesome it is to bring that around... which i dont find it a trouble if u were ask me again... im gonna miss those days where we train at nus and how much jiawei wld wish that we cld use the court for a longer time... im gonna miss the ac trainings where we enjoyed the aircon and the long john we had in the night... im gonna miss the moments where we move towards a common goal shouting out loud... im gonna miss the days where we hug together tightly laughing out loud... im gonna miss the days where i get a tap on my helmet which gave me strength to carry on... im gonna miss the days where we would wait for sam and xh to catch up with us... im gonna miss the days when jiawei makes me wake up early to catch the bus...
the many memories that i'll miss...
the many faces that i'll remember...

the love and care that we had...
the joy and sadness that we shared...
the lets go nj that we blared...
the shots on target that we cared...
the you did well that we got...
the common dream that we led..
the sweet memories that etched...

i made the right choice... i know it...
i met the nicest people that i ever could, in floorball... i know it... i thank you guys for giving me the sweetest memories... i thank you guys for showering me with the care that i need... :) nj floorball... a cca filled with the sweetest, most fun, most caring, most crazy people that you can ever find.

i thank coach for his untiring effort in coaching me on my throws
i thank louis for lending me his shoulders when im tired.
i thank kinphang for listening to me when im down.
i thank jiawei for waking me up when i cldnt.
i thank jianhong for defending well.
i thank shiliang for treating me at times.
i thank sukiat for giving a tap on my helmet.
i thank xianhui for reminding me nt to b emo.
i thank samuel for cheering me on.
i thank waikit for sharing his "secrets".
i thank gary for telling me that i did well.
i thank mer for trusting.
i thank hui jun for talking crap with me and caring for the matches.
i thank ter for caring for the goalie.
i thank the gals for supporting...

nj floorball i treasure
nj floorball i remember
nj floorball i love
nj floorball i thank

anw! go girls! good luck for friday's match!

sometimes i thought im right

at times i wasnt

sometimes i thought it was u

at times it wasnt

a little extra work

hoping for a little extra improvement

a little extra push

hoping for a little extra mile taken.

Girls' match.

2008-07-11T20:58:00.004+08:00

frederick shall blog today since jian hong's *ahem ahem* h*** J*** asks me to. haha. i shall be nice and good and listen to what my sister in law says. XD
Anws, went down for the girl's match today... haha. floorball guys are just so nice rite? sacrifice their precious study time to support the gals till the very end. lols. haha. but its all worth it cux we got to c a really exciting match. for the first time of my 17 years of life, i got to c not 1, but 2 penalty shots on court. hahas. it was damn cool... the whole hall went totally silent... it was just so scary! i tink if i were to be the goalie i will jus freak out and pounce out and flatten the ball with my body. lols. provided im tt accurate thou? XD but i hope i wld never have to handle that. its just way too stressful. :) ooo.. but yep... CATHERINE MA SCORED A PENALTY SHOT!!! she was damn cool!! she was slow and steady and swept the ball into the goal just like that... man of the match ehs! good job cat! hahas. yeah. and everyone just did so well today. they played with confidence and strength and it realli paid off... winning 7-3. hahas. and they got to enter the semi finals. all the way gals! yeah.. and jianhong's *ahem * did really well today! and i love her fav move. its just cool when she does that when she is double teamed. XD
i hope that we can enter the semi finals too... hope miracles do happen, hope we are blessed...
i hope, i pray...

HAPPY!!!

2008-07-10T21:55:00.002+08:00

WOHHOO!!!! FREDERICK IS SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER x INFINITY HAPPY TODAe!!! WE WON OUR MATCH AGAINST MI!!! yep! we won! hahas. damn happy. at the moment when the timer sounds, i nearly cried.. i guess lotsa people wanted to... haha. really damn touched and happy that we won! its just so scary esp at the last few seconds when mi was jus beside our goal. i tink i totally threw myself from one corner to the other... chasing the balls like never before. but i tink all our hard work paid off! we did well!!!! woots. i dunno what to say. jus realy happy. everyone did well todae! WOOTS!

emoing reflections

2008-07-08T20:45:00.002+08:00

its just another day of emo reflections... yep, maybe lots of people now know me as someone who gets emo really frequently, but i must say, all these are because i really tend to think alot into things. some might find this emo character of me really irritating, but i can only say, thats me. sometimes, i just tend to put too much burden on myself, so much so that i tend to blame myself alot when mistakes are made. hahas. thats me yeaH? sounds like someone who totally fails in life huh?
anws. played against vj today... yep... and kinda lost. got really upset, cause i really thought that i sucked today. i didnt know what i was doing, i was in a total state of lost. i don't seem to feel the ball that i used to feel, i don't seem to see the ball that i used to see, i don't seem to play like how i usually do. i don't know why... but i just felt that all because of me i implicated the team. we deserved better scores... i really thought so. yep. at the end of the match, alot of people came forward to say i did well, that i really saved well... but i must say... i'm sorry. i know it myself, i didn't perform as well as the RJ match. i really don't know what i was doing, so much so that i can't even recall how the goals got in. the only thing that i managed to rem was how much hardwork u guys have put in to get the ball, and how i disappointed u guys in not saving 'em. hahas. i know people like gary will strt to talk to me after seeing this post. but really, i am nt blaming myself or anything... i know you will say "你真地做得很好", but i know i didn't... if i have been much stronger. maybe we will cap it at 4... isn't it? i just made our dreams vanish. how evil can i be huh? if you think i am really depressed now... i'm telling you nope! not till after natls. i promised myself that i will stay strong throughout natls. no matter what might happen, no matter how my ankle worsens, no matter how the goals came... i will not let myself get emo! i must get ego right xh? :) i rem. i will work doubly hard for MI and NY... i promise... i will work hard for miricales to happen... i will work hard for pride... i will work hard for the expectations of everyone... corner shots? no fret cux there is fred. >.< hope god will bless me for the next two matches... LETS GO NJ!

i realised that its really difficult to understand someone's heart.. esp. those who don't wanna open theirs... i seriously hope that i can understand more... cux i know that its only this where friends are able to help each other in times when we are down, in times where we are having problems.. isn't it? :) i hope a closed book will b unlocked. i really hope.

long time no blog

2008-07-05T00:29:00.003+08:00

its been a long time since i last blogged. haha. its kinda a busy schedule since school reopened.. lotsa catching up to do and lotsa trainings to be done cux floorball nationals is finally here. after months and months of training, the long awaited match is finally here. i seriously hope and want to win this match, and i believe as long as we strive on, we will be able to do it! GO NJ! hmm... anws, i shall start some narration of history. XD

21st June 2008
tts sis's birthday! 20th birthdae. held a chalet at pasir ris coasta sands and seriously spent a good time there with cousins, bbqing, arcading, strolling, escaping and stuff. its been a long time since i enjoyed myself this much. yelled all my stress out with tt inverter ride, let down all my burdens with the pirate ship, chased off all worries with daytona. its really a relaxing chalet. haha. had loads of fun and i bet my sis had her most memorable birthdae there. its a pity that theres school on monday, or else i wld haf been able to spend another nite there! cheers chalet. u rocked my life cousins. :P

23rd June 2008
the worse nightmare ever... got back the results for the various subs and i can just say its horrendous. i scored like shit! i think i m totally stupid and dumb and yea, mayb lotsa ppl out there think so too. a stupid guy in the streamed class huh. how ironic can that be. hmm.. but i dont know why but i seriously cant get myself into some serious studying and mayb thats why its time for some serious reflection. hmm. i hope that i can recover my scores. send my subs to clinics.. hopefully the scores will soar to greater heights. lol

03 July 2008
sent some ppl this mex. abit lame. but hope its encouraging. haha
LETS FLOORBALL!
Fight like a warrior
Lead in the score
Observe like an eagle
Own to the core
Run like a cheeta
Beat them real sore
Aim like a marksman
Learn to be strong
Lash them all out like never before!
GO NJ!

hmm.. but i guess my poem onli manage to work for the first half of the match. we owned to the core by leadin with a 1-0 then a 2-1. mayb lady luck refuses to come to us which led to errors, to mistakes, to a stupid goal by frederick. i sincerely apologise although many said it wasn't my fault. but mayb if i did like wad song gee said, mayb if i didnt move, mayb if i jus sat on it, it wldnt haf happened. lots of maybes and regrets, but i swear to turn my regrets into my fighting spirit for the next match, getting back what we have lost, advance as we deserve! and i hereby pray, pray on behalf of the whole team that we will do well in the next match.
anws, it was a realli exciting match. learned alot from it. learnt to pick myself up wen i fall, learn to cheer ppl on cux i felt so veri encouraged wen i had a tap on my helmet, wen i had the veri "go frederick", wen i had the veri " you did well"... maybe... sometimes they are just words of consolation... but the veri encouragement brought to me move on. i mite haf done well... but i must say its all because of you guys that i can perform. without you guys, i wil still be someone who just stays there, emoing as shots get into my goal. its your cheer which brought strength after strength that pulled me through. thank you. throughout the match, i prayed really hard... i prayed that we will win,i prayed that no matter what sacrifices that i mite haf to make, i hope that we will win... but mayb i wasnt sincere enough... which led to a final score of 2-6... yes. we have lost. we have lost to rj, my ankle seems to worsen, shiliang bled from the nudge, louis fell from the trip, many of us got hurt... but i guess... mayb this is what makes us grow to be a better person, stronger than before, more ready to take on each and every opponent, to bring glory to the team. it mite be a 2-6, but it isnt anithing! its just a stepping stone towards success!!! we shall play our best for the next match!
i wanna end off with a quote:
"the win or lose we will forget... its the team that will always stay in our mind... it is us perspiring together, it is us soaring towards the same goal that will leave its footprints forever till the dae we die..."

24th June 2008
went for the Gals' friendly todae... it was a realli breathtaking match. there were moments when my heart totally went on a standstill. hahs. but i guess they did pretty well? especially the goalies... sometimes i seriously hope tt my throws can be as good as theirs... but now, i dont hope. i will. i promise to. i hope i can. bestow me strength to do well... i shall not let down. :)

went to the hospital in the nite, to visit my uncle. i saw a rather old man there, who got seriously hurt after a fall... he was complaining that he havent had food but onli medicine... but the reason was that he couldnt eat due to his current condition. he complained that there is no one around... simply cux he felt alone... he kept swearing and cursing.. and it turned up to be so cute that everyone laughed... dad went over to take a look at him... and he finally lied down... his eyes... filled with sadness.. or m i jus tinking too much... i just wanna say, its just so scary to be alone. if u wld ask me, i guess lonliness is the most scary thing on earth. to have no one who care for u, to haf no one taking a slightest glance at you, to haf ppl totally ignoring u wen u r down. its jus so sad...

i look.
i wonder.
am i?
i dun understand.
it feels different from time to time.
which is the real one?
is it meant to b?
or is it jus normal?
i wonder.

人生中，走得多，看得多，
似乎想的也会渐渐增加了吧？
就像乌鸦虽丑，却有着一棵孝心，
我们往往也不能以貌取人吧？
就像披着羊皮的狼，
我们往往不能轻易相信别人吧?
以往的我，单纯的相信，
只要诚恳待人，只要我对他人好，
只要我相信，只要我坚持，
一定会感动到人。。。
以往的我，愚蠢的认为，愚蠢的相信，
我很会看透人心。。。
但今日今时的我，承认我错了。。
我看走了眼。。。
以往的以为，化成如今残酷的事实。。。
以往的相信，化成如今的痛心。。。
或许有时真不因该立即下判断。。。
或许真的是希望越高失望越大。。。
或许算命是真地说准了我人生。。。
许多的疑惑，令我感叹人生的苦。。。
许多的或许，令我发现了错误的存在。。。
许多的许多，让我了解了人性的可恶。。。
我很想相信。。。　
但一次又一次的事件，
让我了解了我并不了解，
让我看见了我并没看见，
让我体会到了我并没体会，
让我深知了我并不知道。。。
看懂一本书固然难，
但想看透人心之书，更是难上加难！
人心难测！！！

n78!

2008-06-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

woohoo! Super happy! Bought lotsa stuff yest! Wakaka. Printer etc! N i finally got my dream phone n78 al thnx to mum! Haha! Yippee! Super fun. Using it to blog nw. Omg. It rox! But wen i press cancel i often end up pressing e hang up button. Lols. But it is stil a super cool phone! Muahahaha!

sam's hse

2008-06-12T13:58:00.002+08:00

yesterday was kinda a fun dae... had friendly with IJ in the morn and went to sam's hse for floorball gathering in the aft.
IJ friendly was kinda ok, as in i tink they did well. haha. realised i said they and not we? cux i personally feel i didnt do well in the match. yeah. but overall, it was a close match, so yep, kinda did well in that sense.
in the aft we went to sam's hse supposedly for floorball gathering and farewell party for mr thong. but apparently he didnt appear cux his daughter was sick. hehes. hope his daughter is ok now. yep. but had a realli fun dae at sam's hse. good food good gambling den good soccer table. lol. yep. tt soccer thingy is super fun, super stress. went totally crazy over it. hmm.. anw, realised some things at the gathering. some ppl are nice unlike what ppl haf potrayed them to be. some ppl arnt wad i thought them to be. haha. so a nice gathering! i got to noe ppl better. hehes. yup. and there are strange ppl who wld even wana steal sausages. lol. yeahs. but its a fun dae. realli.

心中的答案

2008-06-10T22:43:00.003+08:00

心中的答案

看着窗外的天空天色已开始晚了
一天又那么过去了我到底做了什么
那蓝蓝天空的白云是不是都已睡了
遗忘了你遗忘了我遗忘那世界的角落

那太阳公公迷路了
找不到我的心了
我的世界是黑暗的
我的眼看不见了

心里面的答案
快把我的心点燃
我以不知如何是好
我想要变的完美的

心里面的答案
快把我的心点燃
我已失去了方向感
载我到该去的地方
我真的错了

看着窗外的天空天色已开始晚了
一天又那么过去了我要的到底是什么
那蓝蓝天空的白云是不是都已睡了
遗忘了你遗忘了我遗忘那世界的角落

那倾盆大雨下起了
我的心哭泣着
我会努力去改进的
我真的的会去做的

心里面的答案
快把我的心点燃
我已失去了方向感
我找不到该去的地方

心里面的答案
快把我的心点燃
我以不知如何是好
我想要变的完美的
我真的错了

我真的后悔了

cont on louis' bdae

2008-06-10T01:47:00.005+08:00

UPDATES ON LOUIS' BDAE CELEBRATION AT YEW TEE MACS. HAHA.

ai ya. failed attempt of making louis' center parting
ooo! i succeeded! lol. but they say it looks like i am torturing him. hahas.
i personally find this photo sweet. i don't know why. ahahs.
the main focus is not shalene and louis! its the people at the back. hahahs. lol

we look super happy.
is it me or is it just louis and shalene smiling in a different way as we do. haha.
:( louis refuse to do an ugly expression. haha.
shirlene trying to dig louis' nose. lol
nose!

carline squeezed my outta the pic. haha
attempt 2.
this photo looks nice. lol.

haha. is louis and shalene trying to get their heads together?
:( where is carline and i?

etude, louis bdae and mum&dad's wedding anniversary

2008-06-09T02:15:00.009+08:00

Hmm.. went etude 2daes ago, or should i say 3 days ago since it is already like 2.18am now. hahas. can't really fall asleep, so thought of bloggin about some stuff. hahas. anws, yup! went etude at VCH on the 7th of june. i mux say the performance is alright except maybe for that stage band part which is kinda funny. hahas. and well done to tiffany for leaving one of the slippers behind at the audience's seat while running out during that stage band part. hahahas.. thats funny... lol. but in the end she managed to find it back, in the midst of the crowd. lol.
After that, we took some photos at the bridge. haha. i realise that its kinda a favourite haunt for couples who loves affectionate kissing. lols. yup. and we took our photos there. hahaha. we (gray kinphang me) were pondering whether to go home or not, cause its neither late nor early.. ahas. initially we thought of going to clementi to grab a bite, after that we thought of accompanying louis for his birthday. but end up some ppl alighted at clem and headed for home. so mean of them. lol. so in the end, me shir sha wj car went to yew tee to celebrate louis' birthdae. he mux b super touched man. haha. so nice of us to go all the way there. wakaka. sha was so shy that she didnt talk much and kp nudging me for no reason. :P anws. yup. the following are some photos we took. hahas. forced louis to posed some. but due to the slow shirlene, i didnt manage to get all photos, so shall post the rest the next time rnd. ahas.

my lower body looks weird. haha.

look at carline's eyes.

i thought we are supposed to do an ugly pose?!?!

haha. he looks like he is in dilemma whether to kiss?

haha. looks like this :)

i wish..........................

"awww... im so touched... i feel like crying" ahha

"yum yum!"

ooo.. and yest is mum and dad's wedding anniversary. ahas. went for a family dinner at some steamboat restaurant and for the first time in my life a steamboat cost 120+++ bucks. haha. but its kinda worth it cux the stuff there is realli nice. ate till i totally didnt felt like moving. hahas. i tink its much better than zhen fa's steam boat. better environment, cleaner and nicer food. hahas.

anws... i personally feel that a person will have the greatest sense of loneliness on special occasions. as in, it is this special occasion that you wil hope and wish to be accompanied, cux its kinda a special moment that u wish to be with your friends isn't it? and it is your closest friends that u wld yearn to be with isnt it? whats the logic behind being close therefore not the need to accompany your friend for those special moments? hmm.. i realli dun understand. mayb i am different mayb some people are different. but for me, i wld hope to have my friends with me on days which are special to me. yup. i tink so.

a week

2008-06-05T12:13:00.002+08:00

Gosh! i can't believe that its already thursday of the second week of the june holidays. time really flies. looking back this 2 weeks of hols, i realise that i seriously didnt do much. life is kinda routine, eat, sleep, com, trng, my 2 weeks passed just like that. sometimes, i really think that i have a serious problem in managing my time, so much so that i felt like i am totally wasting my life away. ha. maybe thats another of my "thinking too much", but i really felt that way. time and again, i told myself to maximise my time, to do work, to at least do something meaningful, so that at the end of the day, i feel a sense of accomplishment. however, the com always comes into the picture and ruin everything. ha. maybe thats just the poor discipline on my part. lols. hmm. maybe i should start doing something to this and lead my life in a more meaningful way. hahs.
2 weeks into the hols, i really felt a sense of relieve. maybe its due to me not meeting much people in these 2 weeks, so nothing much really happened. hahs. but thats a good thing though, it serves as a really good break for me. i am serious. meeting people makes me think alot. u can call me being over-sensitive, but every action really brings me into alot of thinking. hahas. maybe thats just me, but rest assured, i will not let my feelings take over me.:) i do alot of thinking, but i will know how to filter the bad from the good. hahas. but seriously, these 2 weeks brought me to cool down alot. i didnt think tht much, cause there is nothing much to think about, but it brought me to look back. and i realised alot of things. hahs. but i shldnt say what. lols. hmm.. but i guess. i would change when term starts, hopefully?
anws, having been a goalie in match makes me realise alot. i realise that no matter how sad u might be, no matter how emo u might get, no matter how depressed u can land, u must pick yourself up really fast. its kinda a mind over heart thing. as in when a ball gets shot into the goal, you really feel useless not being able to get the ball hell outta the goal, but there is no time for you to feel all those shit but actually tell yourself "thats the maximum they can get. no more can they achieve.", and you have to be back in your position again, giving ur 110% protecting the goal as if they are your child in trouble. hahas. but its really stressful man, sometimes you know you have to do it, but you just fail to do so. or maybe its just me.
i know you guys are just consoling me, but i know i didnt do well. i know you guys think i am rather good because i am kinda new to it but i know there is not much time left for me to excel. but i am thankful for all the encouragement that i needed. and i swear to do well. and i swear to crush those numbers down!

swimming!

2008-06-03T17:38:00.002+08:00

oh my god. Using my sister's n81 8gb to blog nw. Freakin cool. Haha. Anw... Went swimmin w ka n lun todae at jurong. Haha. Its been quite some time since i last swim... So tis swim is kinda refreshin woohoo! Anw... Did lotsa retarded stuff, which arnt surprising havin a retarded fren-lun. :p haha. Went to e wavepool where we got knocked by 'ships' n went on our mission on findin abandoned ships. Lol. Aft tt we went to e lazy river which was freakin conjested. N there is this part where a orange guy practically blocked e whole path causin everyone to b stucked thr. Can u imagine? Hes on 2 floats! Lol. Arhh.. Had a really fun dae todae! Woots!

Tml is a long day! Trng in e morn nus friendly in e aft. Gosh. I wil tire out. Lol.

悲

2008-05-31T12:18:00.004+08:00

在那倾盆大雨中，
视线模糊了，
心灵浇湿了，
世界沉暗了，
身心疲惫了，
笑声消声了，
嗒嗒响起了，
哭声淹没了，
愿望泡汤了，
泪水淹没了。。。
他人的快乐，
自身的压力，
他人的怂恿，
不坚定的心，
他人的话语，
自身的遗憾，
他人的呐喊，
自身的反省，
他人的不屑，
自身的心酸。。。
泪水流干了，
人也清醒了，
心也痛尽了，
因该想通了。。。
变了。。。。。。

worry

2008-05-28T17:33:00.001+08:00

i need to stop worrying about this and that.

emo

2008-05-26T16:20:00.003+08:00

i don't know why, but there seems to be this sudden sadness rushing through my blood. its running through each and every part of my body, affecting me so much. on this hot monday afternoon, i was done with packing up the mess after common test. while sitting down and staring out of the window, memories of the past seems to come back all at once. i dont know why i still haven got over it after one year. mayb, humans just won't get satisfied with what they have. i know i shouldn't feel this way, as in, we should treasure what we have now and not take things for granted right? but tt feeling seems to be stucked with me that deeply. i just couldnt get over it. why?! its a year boy. its a year. i began to feel really lost. i must say, each and every stage of our life is so very different. each and every school is so different. each and every culture is so different. i hate changes, i hate having to adapt to a totally new environment, a totally new culture, and i really carn't. its almost 2 years, but i know that i have yet to get used to life here. its so different... the people here, the culture here, its very different. indeed, there is no point in looking back, no point in hoping the current situation will change, cause it will not. i just have to tell myself that i might just be better off than some other people out there, i should be satisfied with what i have. but sometimes, i really carn't. how ironic huh? mayb i m jus someone totally noob at persuasion? yea. mayb thats it. sometimes, i really don't know what i have done wrong. why am i the one who is always picked on? am i really that irritating and incorrigible? the stare... i tried to get use to it. cause sometimes i seriously don't find the reason in doing everything that people tell me to.i have my own feelings, my own thinking, and i believe in doing what i think is right and not what people think is right. furthermore, why has it always got to do with me? yea. maybe i am just the worse of all, thats why. ha. i should have known it huh? i am just hated. sometimes i really hope people can remove their mask. if u really hate someone, can you say that straight in their face? don't leave them guessing please... its so hard to... i hate it when people flare up for no reason and we have to please them when we might not even be in the wrong. do you do the same to me when i am angry or sad? no. back to point one, i am just hated. sometimes, i just feel as if i am drifting away. time and again, i have to tell myself... "bear with it boy, bear with it. whats the point of getting angry or emo? no one will know it, no one can understand, no one to talk to. so why not burry it deep in your heart. it will soon be over." i know i can do it. i will try to. its such a terrible feeling when you wanna shout, but there is no one to hear you. missing the past but i know it will never return.

i m insane

2008-05-24T15:48:00.001+08:00

i m insane... totally... i mux b crazy... seriously crazy... omg.. i cant believe it... urgh.

anw. i tink i haf found the one... i hope... XD

after common test

2008-05-22T18:51:00.006+08:00

Whees!!! its finally over! wahaha... after 4 days of extreme torture.. common test is finally over! woots man! its time to relax! ha. went to chill out at sentosa yesterday. spent the whole day there.. kinda fun! here are some pics we took!

5 handsome boys

4 crazy gals

wheeesss!

omg. i look weird

water ballet?!

WOW! handsome jianhong! cool specs!

SPLASH!!!!

YO! to me and weijian.lol.

poor jiawei suffering beside shirlene.. ahha!

me in tiffany's fav pose and weijian trying to learn from my sec1/2 photo

the poor chair cracked all thanks to tiffany's ass

under the sun~

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

2008-05-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

WOOTS!!! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! hahas. a day to celebrate for the wonderful mothers on earth. lols.. had a wonderful meal at boonlay restaurant. hahas. cost like 1000+ for 2 tables but its totally worth it cux the food there is seriously damn nice... hope the mothers there enjoyed their meal!!!

ooo.. cts are coming but nothings getting in~~~ oh no~~~

betrayed

2008-05-09T21:06:00.002+08:00

i feel so betrayed... or mayb i m jus dumb. as time goes by, i began to realise my stupidity. ha. mayb i shld seriously b knocked hard on the head. time to wake up boy. u have been living in ur own world for way too long. i finally know the feeling. mayb i haf inflicted such pain in others too. for those whom i haf made suffer. i m sorry. sorry for my childish act, sorry for my overdoing. i didnt noe i m such a thorn of the roses.

i didnt noe.
i didnt realise.
that i m such a person in uall's heart.
so i m that.
i didnt noe tt i have been doing that.
i have been causing u guys tt much misery.
i have been tormenting u guys.
i m sorry.
sorry for being so sickening.
mayb to control myself, i jus haf to stay away.
i need a needle mayb?
to sew up my mouth.
yes. indeed.
i m someone with lotsa flaws.
i m hated.
i m acting.
i m disposable.
i m not well-like.
i m irritating.
i m idiotic.
i m ungentlemanly.
yes. indeed.
i m jus a piece of shit.
i will change.
i promise.
for the better... for the future.
i have learnt my mistakes.
i will learn to grow up...
at least to be a better man, so tt my inner beauty can compensate my looks.
now i understand.

insane, stupid, dumb!

2008-05-09T00:11:00.003+08:00

i m totally insane...
i m totally stupid...
i m totally irritating...
i m totally dumb...

i seriously hates this character of mine... thinking too much into things.. why carnt i jus be like some ppl? totally ignorant? why carnt i jus stop thinking so much?! STOP BRAINS! STOP FUNCTIONING! I M SUFFERING ENOUGH! I M BREAKINGDOWN! i feel like shouting.. but there is no where for me to do so... i dont dare to tell anione.. cux i m afraid they will be affected because of me... i m more afraid tt ppl will jus find me irritating and crazy... i noe alot of ppl will think " stop all these nonsense... u r crazy.. " mayb i jus am. am i talking too much? am i wasting your time? i dont noe~ i m continuing my search.. but i guess.. i will never find it.. i m a loser. i should jus b shot and die. yea. mayb like some ppl sae. my presence is jus a waste of resource...

my heart feels so pain..
its contracting...
my tears are rolling...
but i mux stay strong...
bottled up...
i should drown everything in my heart.

i m wrong

2008-05-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

so i was wrong...
i still remember my new year resolution...
but i guess i failed...
or shld i sae have i ever succeed in life...
i doubt so...
i fail in relations...
i fail in friendships...
i fail in talks...
i fail in cca...
i fail in studies...
i fail in estimations...
i fail in everything i do...
wad haf i ever passed...
nothingness mayb...
i suck...
i m stupid...
i guess i m nth in each and every of the many hearts...
easily replaced...
easily forgotten...
wads life to me...
save me...
someone...

total madness

2008-04-30T23:24:00.003+08:00

Today is a real crazy day. it felt kinda short though? Mayb its just because tml is labour dae, so time seems to fly... Faster than the speed of light! ahahs. had house session after normal school lessons. Hahas.. the 5 crazy gals went total insane during house session, but its kinda fun thou. cheered our lungs out and got crazy over that new "soooo" cheer... hahs. but its pretty embarrassing cux apparently no one responded to our cheer.. hahs. but its still fun~ proves that we are enthusiastic yeah? its a total let down today. initially i thought it is like labour day tml and we can finally get to enjoy ourselves with a day out~ sadly, some still had cca... so my dae ended with surfing the net at hm.. kinda pathetic~ urgh~ getting busier and busier each day. and common test is freaking coming in 2 wks time... and guess wad? i haven prepared a single shit, nt even catching up with my tutorials. gosh. i m gng insane!!! SAVE ME!!!

ooo.. and todae i asked sk [oops.. this looks like sukiat but it isnt... lol..] if he is wif pink bag.. but he denied. innocent frederick believed him but someone told me this " who would ever sae yes if u ask straight in their face if they are attached?" after much thought, frederick decides to believe wad someone saes... hahas. so is he with pink bag? further investigations shall be done. k.. i m being lame once again. and gosh.. apart from that.. i tink tt g______ rumour is getting a little out of hand. i tink some ppl actualli tinks that i m seriously in love with her. tts totally insane.. i shall clarify that it is a STRAIGHT NO... i dun mind it being a joke since i do spread rumours too [tsk tsk... naughty fred (lol.. quoted from sk)] but.. yea... dun take it seriously. hahs. and for some ppl. dun misunderstand~ :)

JIAN HONG IS A TOTAL PRO STALKER! HATS OFF MAN! YOU TOTALLY IMPRESSED ME WITH YOUR SKILLS. THUMBS UP JIANHONG! (did huijun fall in love with you bcux u understand her well? lol.. jkjk...)

hmm... went to a few blogs todae cux i got kinda bored. after 3 daes of turmoil in skl. gosh~ my brain juice is totally extracted so much so tt nt a single drop is left~ or mayb like wad jianhong saes... i m just stupid... its kinda hard to accept this statement though.. sob sob... k.. back to the point. anw. went to a few blogs. and i realised each blog is realli unique and u get to learn things from some too..! ahahs. about how ppl gets emo and overcome their sadness.. and how friendship really comes into play in life. this brought me to reflect my doings of the past month. seriously, i have never knew whether my every choice was right. the only thing i did was to convince myself that no matter what i do, i will and shall never regret. i know the feeling isnt the same as my secondary school daes whereby i realli haf someone whom i cld realli empty my heart to... totally pour out my feelings, worries and confusion. this kind of person has yet to appear in my JC life. mayb he/she will never appear since my JC life is ending kinda soon.. hais. but still.. its pretty sad. it just feels like u r alone in the desert, without any moral support. and i realised in this particular year, i got kinda "degraded"? gosh... comments are getting from bad to worse all thanks to kinphang and his totally mean comments. hahs.. but i believe and choose to believe that he didnt mean it... but still, its totally mean. ahas. mayb its just my retribution for being mean to some other ppl? but am i tt bad? lols. tell me~ so tt i can change for the better.. :P

i realised that i shouldnt trust ppl that much. after coming to nj, i got to learn that ppl arnt tt innocent as i used to think. ppl arnt that harmless as i used to tink. its totally disgusting? i hate living in such an environment where u seriously need to doubt the actions of every single person around u. a smile to you might just be filled with evil thoughts? backstabbers sucks! [this is just a general comment lest ppl strt asking me who i m refering to...] hais.. anw. i seriously hope tt nj's environment wld change for the better. i noe it will b the case wen i step out into the society. mayb its just me and i shld learn to adapt to this.. but filtering every word and thinking into every action is just too tiring a lifestyle for me.

i arnt a vulgur person ok? its just tt some ppl are that childish and insensitive that lead to me being that agitated. i shall apologise if tt brought much disturbance to some~ anw... i tink i will jus die some dae cux of kinphang jiawei and jianhong~ i will jus happen to vomit out blood some dae and jus die in class.

treasure your friends before they go
listen to them and not say no
encourage them when they are low
shelter them in times of snow
for you never know, you never know,
how it would feel without your soul -- DEAD

FAKE!

2008-04-28T20:45:00.002+08:00

Fake smile
Fake kindness
Fake fun
Fake considerate
Fake being nice
Fake openess
Fake truthfulness
Fake heart
Fake help
Faker you are getting so scary~! DISGUSTING!!! u suck!

Oooo... swimming wif lun and ka is fun! ahas... WAVE POOL~~~~ SWISSSHHHH~~~ lol...

bastard

2008-04-24T21:35:00.003+08:00

i m nt trying to be mean here, but i got to learn that bastards do exist in this world. F***ing bastards indeed. you are just totally unfit to be the one! you are just naive or shld i sae childish if i were to put it in nice terms. if i were to be frank, you simply haf a brain of the size of a pea. and tt pea is filled with all your studies, so much so tt there is totally no place left for ur EQ and more. you are simply an asshole who deserves a tight slap. do you think that wad u r thinking is cool? that shows alot about you. an asshole, yet to grow up. totally STUPID and LAME! or is tt just the result of 24 hrs of mugging? shit!

poem

2008-04-16T18:58:00.002+08:00

me without 77 is just like fish without water
life without 77 is just total darkness
sight without 77 is just like me being blind
love without 77 is just a total lie
world with 77 is just like rainbows in the sky
hands with 77 is just like warmth in winter time
kiss with 77 is just like sweets on my lip
smile with 77 is just totally hip
-jia wei-

mer is like merlion
and i m like this small little island
she symbolises my life
and my life wont carry on without her
years may have passed
troubles might have come
but merlion stays strong and firm
just like our love, for years to come.
-kinphang-

i m a stick, prompt to fall.
i m a guy, prompt to fall.
i m a man, prompt to fall.
i m the one, prompt to fall.
for jun you are there,
for jun you are all.
the only one, i will fall for.
-jianhong-

tinking too much?

2008-04-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

i used to think that i think too much into things... but as time goes by, i realised otherwise. sometimes, it isnt necessarily a negative thing to think too much into things. it tends to prevent you from possible dangers. although i realised myself landing myself in alot of troubles, but i m sure this personality of mine have saved me from many. for the past 1 plus years. i know, that i have landed myself in lots of troubles. i know that my image in many's hearts are like total shit. i m someone who has feelings. i can feel and i do have eyes to see. u might say that i m over sensitive, but this is what i really feel. mayb its jus my own imaginations. but i choose to believe that... i will change. so i will avoid. thats the most basic start isnt it? avoiding will prevent things from happening. so that shall be it for the rest of the year. i hope i cld sustain. no matter how it may seems, no matter what others might say, i shall follow my heart once. i wanted to do this for a long time, but i have never succeeded in doing so. not doing so ended me being hurt. for now. jus now, i shall do it.

i am might be good at consoling ppl, encouraging ppl to go on... but who will be there to cheer me on? walking through the woods alone is so scary, especially in the night... time passes and the light that used to guide me through has dimmed... will it ever brighten? or will there b a new light in my life?... or will darkness jus surround me forever?...

lost

2008-04-11T23:40:00.005+08:00

time flies.
i thought i cld get over it... but i realised i have never got over it... just a single word of it and makes me realli miss it... i m sure i made the right choice... cux i m happier now... cux i know i no longer need to dread the every single one due to certain factor... but i also know what a year makes up... its the bonding that is difficult to break... the dream that is difficult to forgo... sometimes i regret my choice... but on a 2nd thought... i knew i was right... cause i can clearly picture every moment... the hostility that lies... i m happy that there are some... whom i realli can believe in... though we are no longer on the same journey... but i know we cld be... in future... im sure... thanks for all those who helped me in one way or another... the little actions really count... sometimes i might haf thought too much... thinking that something else wld haf happened... but it never did... i m sad... but i m now over it... i hope... on a new journey... i hope i can excel... but i dont sense the improvement in me... am i expecting too much of myself in such a short time... or is it just the incompetence of me?... sometimes i m realli stressed... stressful over my own assumptions and analagy... stressful over external factors... i know i have to outshine... but i need encouragement... not the other way round... i know i m nt someone whu goes for "reverse phycology"... it will only make me even more demoralised and even more stressful than before... but i know it meant well... so i tried convincing myself... but there are always limits to everything isnt it?... being someone who thinks alot... i realised me piling myself with lots of unneccessary worries and problems... a simple sentence brings me into in-depth thinking... sometimes more than what is meant to be... but what can i do with this born character of mine?... i carnt even control it myself... i m lost... i dont know what to do...
throughout the years... i m taught through experience... that you shldnt believe in anyone but urself... in the past... i m surrounded by ppl whom i can give out 100% of my trust and confidence to... now... i totally carnt... it seems as though life is just full of lies... full of traps awaiting you to fall into... the thought of ppl smiling at you despite hating you to core... the thought of ppl convincing you that he isnt lying wen in fact he is... all these just sent shivers down my spine... i m afraid... afraid of this world... afraid of ppl... afraid of the lies... afraid of tt evil smile... what lies below innocence might just be a sharp knife awaiting to plunge right through your heart...

2008-04-07T20:11:00.000+08:00

nothing gets right.. so.. WHO CARES?

haha

2008-04-02T20:40:00.006+08:00

oh my gosh... i realised that i haven been studying for the past dunno how mani wks.. urgh.. haf been realli exhausted.. dunno y... kp falling aslp aft i rch hm... urgh.. sometimes i dun even manage to finish my hw.. shucks man... i tink i will be screwed for ct... but tts kinda expected. ahahs. gosh.. todae is a really bad dae. thanks to shirlene... hahas... make me feel so pai seh.. k. luckily there werent alot of ppl whu heard what they shouted.. its totally insane. urgh.. she belongs to dumpty.. nt me.. =.- hahs. and i seriously dun even noe whu she is lurhs.. anws... hmmm.. i tink tt sometimes it isnt realli nice to take things of others without their permission.. k.. i mite nt haf said anithing.. but it realli doesnt feel nice.. especially when things arnt mine in the first place.. even if u took anithing.. at least you shld haf told me.. what if i tot i haf lost the thing? its my responsiblity to safe kp wad belongs to others. so.. i hope that wun happen agn... XD
todae's cip was so different... i didnt actualli get to tutor anione for the past 2 sessions... but todae i finally got to do so.. hahas. quite fun.. hmm.. but todaes cip is realli quite different in the sense that for the first time i actualli scolded a kid.. ok.. not scold.. but talk in a stern and serious way. ahas. but he is realli damn naughty. nt my fault.. like making so much noise, disturbing others and refusing to study. lol. seriously dun understand y he doesnt treasure this chance of recieving xtra lessons wen he is deprived of one.. tsk tsk... ooo. and this same guy fought aft the tutoring.. and he cried... song gee was like " you shld tell him.. if he fights, dun cry... so tt the tchr wun noe anithing.. " hahas.. damn funny... todae's cip was quite fun... ok.. mayb is jus bcux i m in a gd mood or sth.. was quite crazy..
ahaha.. gd speech! short and sweet.. i tink u will get in! jia yous.. haha.. ppl.. go vote for #48.. lols... i m so nice.. free publicity sia.. ahas.. http://kono.sg/ivote ---> link.. lol..
ooo.. and i m trying so hard to come out with a list of saos.. hahas.. so far like onli da sao and mayb er sao is fixed.. lols.. i need birthdaes of jiawei(for the t) louis(for the h or the S) samuel(for the one and only s) sukiat(for the c) kinphang(for the s again) ehs.. hahs. whu did i miss out? lol... oops.. dun kill me... i was tinking whether or not to include py and "tweety bird" man.. hahaas.. urgh.. i m damn bored....
ooo.. and viwawa rocks! hahs. i m so addicted to it... oooo.. WAJONG!!! lols.

stress

2008-03-27T22:27:00.001+08:00

stress... i realli dunno if i can do it...
i heard it... mayb its true... mayb a change is needed...
tears... worrying...
confide... no one...
my choice...

我心真的受伤了

2008-03-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

我的心真的受伤了
i didnt expect it to turn out this way.
i tot u will do otherwise.
i tot u will sae something more.
i tot u will do that.
i didnt expect ur response to b so short and straight to the pt.
am i really tt nt worth a 2nd look?
am i really tt worthless in ur eyes?
have i been pondering too much?
pondering things tt only i feel that way?
i m totally hurt.
a scar on my heart tt will nv heal.
i carnt control.
the tears jus kp rolling dwn my eyes.
tears of sadness.
tears of hate.
tears of pain.
tears of worthlessness.
u made me realise how the world sees me.
i finally noe it.
i have been living in my own world.
i have been thinking in my own world.
i mux b the dumbest person ever in this world.
sadness filled every single part of my heart my body my soul.
i m utterly disappointed.

I WILL DO IT!

2008-03-13T15:48:00.000+08:00

I WILL DO IT!
I HOPE I CAN SUSTAIN!

梦醒了

2008-03-09T23:57:00.004+08:00

望出窗外的天空
看见太阳慢慢的升起
梦渐渐的也醒了
终于看透了
好多好多的好想
却陪伴着好多的不可能
好多好多的期望
却陪伴着好多的失落感
我的心累了
灵魂受伤了
好多好多的为什么
大声的呐喊着
却像石头掉到了海底
永远不会有回应
心里变得好空虚
我的心真的受伤了
眼眶充满的伤悲
流成一条河

headache

2008-03-05T12:28:00.002+08:00

oh my gosh. i nearly died in skl yest. terrible headache + fever... the worse thing is i stil haf spa and econs test~ all thanks to jianhong' s panadol tt i barely survived thru... still having a headache nw.. wonder wen will it ever subside... zzz...

scared~

2008-03-02T13:09:00.002+08:00

i m afraid... afraid of even looking into your eyes... this is just so scary... so much so that i cldnt force myself to accept it... i hoped it isnt true.. but i know i must accept the fact... the fact that reality have proven so... i didnt expect myself to be so inncocent... so dumb... i didnt expect myself to not know so much... mayb cux i was always so protected... i am confused.. i am sad... why did this happen to me...

i m stucked... not knowing the choice to made... the various comments... my feelings... my thoughts... when i finally decide to do it... somethihng just happens to pull me back... i dont know what to do... i jus feel like giving everything up... i wanna take a break... spare me... i cannot take it animore... i hope i cld jus go crazy... and not think of anithing animore... i m all alone... to solve all the problems... i dont even noe what i wan now... my mind is exploding...

I M DYING!

2008-02-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

I M SERIOUSLY DYING!! I M TIED TO A ROCK AND THROWN INTO THE SEA... I M SLOWLY DROWNING.. TAKING EACH AND EVERY STEP CLOSER TO DEATH... I CARNT BELIEVE I M LIVING IN SUCH AN ENVIRONMENT! WHY DO PPL LIE WHY ARE PPL SO SCHEMING? I CARNT BEAR THIS KIND OF SHOCK AND PAIN! ITS JUS TOO MUCH FOR ME.. ITS NOT ONLI 1 PERSON! ITS SO MANI OF U COMING ALL AT ONCE! TELL ME WHY!! WAD DID I DO TO GET SUCH RETRIBUTION!!! I DUN EVEN NOE WAD I M DOING EACH DAE.. I TRY TO HIDE BUT I CARNT FIND ANIWHERE THAT BELONGS TO ME... I M NO WHERE... NO WHERE TO GO TO.. NO ONE TO BELIEVE. I USE TO TINK TT TRUST IS THE BASIC ELEMENT OF LIFE.. I REALISED I M WRONG.. CUX I LANDED MYSELF IN SO MUCH MISERY CUX OF TRUST.. I TOLD MYSELF TO GO AWAY FROM IT.. BUT I CARNT.. TIME AND AGAIN.. I FELL INTO THE TRAP.. I M NT INNOCENT.. I M SIMPLY DUMB.. SOMEONE WHU IS FOOLED BY EVERYONE! I HATE MYSELF. I HATE LIFE. I HATE!

f off!

2008-02-25T21:06:00.002+08:00

some ppl seriously hafta expand their pea brains and look clearer into matters.. stop jumping into conclusion when u noe nothing at all!!! open ur eyes and gif a fucking damn clear look before u open ur mouth wif some shit wordS!! respect others before u expect ppl to do the same to you. some words are nt meant to b said and pls filter it wif ur pea brains b4 u open ur fucking mouth! if u r unhappy for any stupid reasons or simply no reason, come to me and dun insult my parents! ASSHOLE! bloody fucker!

============================================

i feel tt i m drifting further and further away.. away from the crowd.. into a nobody's land.. alone.. i no longer haf anione to confide in.. wen i find someone whom i can trust.. i will find tt i m wrong in the end.. i want to shout.. but no one seems to hear me.. no one.. the emptiness in me is devouring my heart...

...

2008-02-19T21:09:00.001+08:00

is it tt i m oversensitive... or is it realli happening... i m strting to regret.. but i feel relieve.. wad a life i m leading... wad a way i m leading my life..

sians

2008-02-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

omg... this is freaking sians.. tests aft tests... totally wear me out.. making feel sick of tests so much so tt i dun even feel like studying for dem liaos. dammit mans... feeling so freaking tired each dae... dunno why~ hmm.. mayb tts the sign of ageing.. ahas.. bored~ cny is coming lo~

jie fan! update ur blog lurhs. zzz...

ooo.. and tis is damn funny. i was trying to find shalene's blog.. so i typed in the search engine " shalene goh blogspot".. and guess wad? the search result led me to goh jian hong's blog... diaos...

***What Neo Ching Leng Frederick Means***
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

promise

2008-01-24T07:21:00.000+08:00

promises are meant to be kept. fucking dun promise what u carnt do! sae onli wen u urself are dng it. dun sae it wen u carnt do it!

2008-01-21T19:38:00.001+08:00

LOL! cam whoring at grandma's hse.. ahha

act cute 1

act cute 2. look at mel's hand sign! aha. like a wuchun

random take

taken in the 60s

tat trying to act shuai~

waHA! wad happened to my face?!

??

abit outta place

sorry joson~ for scaring u late at nite.. =.-

STUDY!

2008-01-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

HAD FUN STUDYING/HOMEWORKING WITH JOSON JUEKFAN KOKHAO AND BLOODY (XUE LIN)!

joson coped lotsa tissue paper from macs cux he is deprived of tissue paper when he shits... sadly.. kok coped some cux he wanted to go to the toilet.. poor joson.. XD

crazy shalene laughing like mad...

ewww... my camera nearly cracked.. act innocent.. and occupied like the whole pic.. poor joson can onli occupy like 1/8... hahaha!!!

serious studying?

waha! tts me in the pic! busy homeworking man!

"the mouth that can become damn small and damn big" says joson.. hahaha!!!

new life

2008-01-16T22:10:00.001+08:00

ha! its been pretty long since i last publish a post... hmm.. i think its like not that long as compared to some whose last post is like 4th January... haha! woo.. got injured today.. and till now i dont realli noe how the heck i got injured.. went for interact today... and listened to yy talk bout the thailand trip [ she spoke with lots of emotion and nearly cried.. haha..] etc. den aft tt went for trng.. ran like 3 rnds for warm up and strted dng my stretch.. and this is when the nightmare arrives... there was this sharp excruciating pain at somewhere above my ankle.. it caused me to like immediately sit down and press against tt portion of my leg.. it was a damn frightening experience man! like u r experiencing pain outta nothing.. so i thought i would bear with the pain hoping tt it will like go off real soon.. so i strted to pad up... *continuing to press against the part while paddin* and wen i like kinda put my shin guard on, the shin guard pressed against the injured part and it was damn freaking pain! and i sorta immediately remove the shin guard and threw it on the floor... gosh! wad an experience man!... aft tt kok and sha brought me a bag of ice cubes and it kinda helped soothe the pain. mayb cux it made my leg go numb or sth.. aft like resting for a while.. we went back to interact... it was like kinda pain while walking.. but its like better than the initial exp. carnt even stand.. haha. recovering liaos.. the pain is gng away.. phew man.. haha.. mayb overexert or sth~ urgh..
ooo. yest was a traumatizing day man~ all thanks to sha.. which caused a series of events to happen somehow.. omg.. i hope i wasnt like misunderstood in ani way.. hmm.. but i guess its more traumatising for mr gullible.. aha.. sorry man! and sha.. i shall forgive u cux i m magnanimous! :P
life now sucks lurh! mayb tis is called j2 life man! its like hw everydae.. never ending.. wen u got so happy tt u finish one.. the other is coming up.. and if u dun finish 1.. i tink u can forget about finishing ani.. haha.. tts the kind of life i m leading nw.. and i guess i m in btw the 2 situations now.. kinda dangerous... everydae wen i rch hm, its like damn freaking tired and u wun haf tt extra energy to study tt extra hr or so.. i m so screwed.. how are others able to like fix their ass on their chair and study whole day long? i doubt i can ever do tt unless a superglue comes into play~ ahaa..

regrets

2008-01-04T00:46:00.001+08:00

as i walk... my footsteps get heavier and heavier.. i m living with lots of regrets in my life... its accumulating now.. more and more... it stresses me out.. wanting me to go back time and do what is right.. i have been making the wrong choices... and i still am.. i totally hate myself.. for doing all the wrong things.. for landing myself in a difficult position.. i landed my self in somewhere unfamiliar to me.. it still is... faces mite b familiar but the heart will never be... drifting, i m neither here nor there... i wanna start a new life... i hope everything goes back to square one where i can remake my choices... i dun wanna b contained in a small box... i dun wanna b ordered... i wan back my freedom.. those i used to have and i believe i still have it... give it back to me... i went for things that i not want to.. and went away from things that i m dying for.. i m not needed, so i dont see a point in going anyway... it mite b nice to say everyone is needed... but what's the point of saying it when it ain't true? since u think i can't do it... let me go...

hurt... torn into pieces... my heart will bleed, as the river flows...

2008

2008-01-01T03:15:00.000+08:00

Gosh... its 2008! time really do fly man! in a new year, looking for a brand new start. a good one of cause! urgh.. though it should b something worth celebrating for... a new year~ i feel so freaking dead! i haven finish all my freaking hws man! and i doubt i will b able to... still left wif like gp and math. dammit! i feel so screwed! hahas. and guess wad? skl's gonna strt tml... in like less than 24 hrs time? i guess i m in real deep shit! who is there to save me~~!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! MAY U STAY PRETTY ALWAYS!

tired

2007-12-26T17:08:00.000+08:00

sick. tired. hate.
i dun wanna to...
bring me back...
i m lost...
dunno wad to do...
looking at it pains me...
i regret...
bring me back...

my chemical romance

2007-12-12T16:05:00.000+08:00

cool man! my chemical romance's concert was damn cool. gosh! the blasting of the music, the sound of the guitar the drums.. its totally cool! nice man! first concert in singapore and i m sure it left a deep impression in all! waha! oh yea.. the ppl out there are really crazy... esp. those who bought the 97bucks tickets.. they are like squeezing and pushing jus to get into the concert hall first.. haha.. so it kinda made crowd control difficult... yea.. had to resort to yelling your lungs out jus to ask them to stop pushing so tt all can go in orderly... kinda crazy bunch of ppl.. but understandable since they paid tt much for the free standing slot.. hehes.. nice show anws.. so its kinda worth it! hahas.. and kee ann saes tt he found like 2 condoms on the floor aft the concert!!! LOLS! yea.. and the ppl there took of their shirts and swing it rnd like nobody's business... haha.. kinda a realli "high" concert~!!!
nice dae working!!! but we didnt get xtra money for staying tt late!!! ARRGH~~~ hahhaas..

rest~

2007-12-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

woo~ its been a packed week? ok... mayb less than a week... hmm... had hockey camp on wed... quite fun... was meant to b a bonding camp and i guess it did work? anws... external hunt was nice.. ran in the rain throughout the whole hunt... mayb it was the rain tt made it more fun? anws.. great effort in planning for the hunt thou... quite cool.. hahas. had loads of fun while running rnd like some mad ppl... LOL
thur~ worked... worked for some international buffet thingy tgt lun simin and many.. hmm.. quite tiring standing dwn there being kinda a waiteR? ahas. its so torturous to see ppl eat while u haven.. LOL... but its kinda easy job for me.. since i onli need to walk arnd and put back utensils, replenish food and stuff.. haha.. though its kinda heavy.. but i guess its ok lahs.. argh.. the worst part of the job is that u muz through away trays and trays of food!!! salmon, chicken, chesse, cakes.................. oh my god~ its kinda sick dng tt.. so didnt eat for dinner that dae.. hahas... but nice!! i m richer by 33 bucks.. diaos...
fri~ worked agn.. helped out at a american band concert? i tink the band is called america or american? carnt realli rem.. its kinda a america classic rock band? somewhat for ppl whu are oldeR? hahahs... its kind of amusing to see uncle and aunties cheering for their idols... stomping the grnd... clapping... hahas. damn funny... LOL... we were even instructed to stop ani of the overenthu aunties/uncles frm dashing dwn to the band.. hahas.. but in the end none of dem did tt lahs.. uncle aunties are more civilised i guesS? hahs.. ooo.. saw tt nj soccer guy at the concert... hahahs. hen's fren i tink.. lol.. i dunno his name but he noes mine.. kinda amusing.. XD
sat~ worked agn~ hahas.. worked at some ulu club or sth... nus econs alumni dinner thingy.. quite fun.. cux u noe almost all the ppl working... waiter job as usual.. abit du lan cux some of the peeps there damn dao.. they tink tt they damn zai or sth~ =.- and gt some cheapo ppl from ch*** damn lame.. the free gift is like some useless cover for notebook or sth~ den they went to take extras frm seats that are empty~~!!! omg... they even aimed for the table pencils used to fill in survey forms lahs.. like wth~ hmm.. although some unhappy things happened due to 2 bitch and a flirtatious ahb*n*n*.. overall its quite a fun dae~ worked till like 1030~ wa~
woots... sun~ initially tot tt todae can go swimming lesson liaos... but sadly it rained + ka's phone batt went flat.. so missed another dae of swimming~ argh... i tink i m getting fatter~
......... working agn nxt wk ........... hahas.. earn more money.. den can buy more things.. diaos..

anws... i realised tt some ppl are realli bastard~ y carnt they shed off their stupid disgusting face? and carnt u use a better tone while replying otherS? u r making everything seem so fucked up~

AND LUN PANG SEH ME~~~~!!! HAHS.. OOO... AND HIS IC PHOTO IS LIKE DAMN CUTE LAHS!!! DUN LOOK LIKE A IC PHOTO... I USED TO TINK TT ALL IC PHOTOS ARE LIKE SHIT.. THOSE DAMN UGLY KIND.. BUT HE PROVED ME WRONG.. HAHS.. KAWAII!!! DIAOS...

in memorial

2007-11-29T01:40:00.000+08:00

"... "As long as you follow someone, you will forever be behind him.", I remember my first mentor telling me. But I soon realized that following someone than improving on it on your own terms wasn't even enough, because it was in someone else's initial direction.

Those that inspire us, who motivate us can be such strong reasons to be like, to follow. But I've learned to identify what makes them strong, learn and try to apply, but move on.

What speaks from yourself, can never be from another person. What impresses you can be the inspiration of another person, but what inspires you comes from moments, situations in life; its what makes you. Nothing like that can ever coincide perfectly with another human being. ..."
-reuben kee-

i've learned alot... recently, i've been following the news on the tragedy tt happened in Cambodia... one that resulted in us losing 5 promising young talented singaporeans... went online to read more... went to their blogs... and i've learned alot.. got inspired, and at the same time, got to see how useless i am... the fact tt i werent able to realise all those... the fact tt i have been living in my own world... in the past, i used to think i haf grown by alot, mentally, physically.. i thought i have matured and am ready to b an independent adult... but now, i realise i m terribly wrong. i am far frm a mature adult. i am still lying in a bed of roses, under the protection of my parents, away from danger, away from fear. i thought i perfectly mastered the art of treating people around me, of judging someone... but i realised i m totally wrong.. i arnt good at those... or should i say i failed in doing all those.. i realised that i have been hurting ppl arnd me... i realised tt i have been shattering people's deam due to my selfishness. how ignorant of me to b tinking tt i m alwaes right and ppl whu differ from my thinking are wrong... i should and i must... grow up... to learn to think right.. to treat ppl right.. to b someone selfness.. more importantly... learn to decide what is right... i have been wasting my time... wasting ppl's time... cux i have never put my heart and soul in anithing.. in the past, now... but not in the future.. i promise i will sort things out... b sure of what i want... going all out for it... not wasting animore time.. not wasting ani other ppl's time.. i promise..

sad

2007-11-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

Upon seeing the sms... i was totally shocked... one of the 5 who are missing is actually a nj teacher... i rushed to see the newspaper... and realised who he actually is...
hmm.. went to read on the articles reporting on their death etc. its pretty sad... though i dun realli noe tt teacher.. but as i read thru the article.. images of him in school keep flashin through my mind.. the unknown feeling of sadness filled my eyes wif tears..
how sad it is to have someone tt young to leave his family... how sad it is to see someone around u leaving u tt suddenly... is all these part and parcel of life?
such an incident made me think alot... thinking bout how short life mite b... thinking bout how unpredictable it mite b... u never get to know wad happens the next moment.. u never get to noe whu will leave u the very second later.. the feeling of losing.. is so much of a pain... how great will it b if we dont get to lose anithing in life.. yea.. i noe its totally impossible... but... i thought it mite b something realli nice if it ever happens?...
anws... yea.. frm such an unfortunate event.. mayb we get to learn... get to learn tt we mux treasure wad we have now?... or even learn to heed advices?... i dunno...

..

2007-11-24T01:33:00.000+08:00

i tried to... i tot i cld... i told myself to... but as every second passes by... the feeling got stronger... i dunno why... tt feeling... its uncontrollable... i hope... i wish... you will... i dunno why it is so sudden... it jus so happen... argh~!

bdae

2007-11-18T01:08:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh~ oh my gosh~ i tink i haf gained like 17000000kg after 2 daes~ ahas. all thnx to sisters: esther anita frens:yilun keeann weizong bryan simin katrina weiting tiffany weijian shalene hilda kokhao for buying me cakes~ haha... they are damn nice thou~ realli enjoyed them!!! haha.. but i guess tis contradicts wif my resolution... diaos.. hahah...

to sisterssssssssssssssssss:

thanks!!!! thanks for tt splendid dinner!!! haha.. SWEnSEns ROCKS! haha. even haf free ice-cream fr bdae peeps... yea.. so wen its ur turn, rem to visit them.. XD wow.. free ad huh? yep! thnx sis! dinner was great.. but i bet i caused u great bucks.. oops.. haha... bet u need to fast for the next few months.. diaos.. lols..

yep! and thanks 2nd sis for tt great mp4 player!!! love it lots.. damn cool.. haha. it is like super cool tgt wif tt speaker! rocks man!!! thanks!!! but it cost alot too.. haha.. so u shall fast too.. LOL!!!!

to keeann weizong bryan simin katrina weiting tiffany weijian:

thanks guys! a real big thank you man! haha... seriously didnt expect so many of u to appear right outside mos burger.. damn shocked~ so.. kinda nearly cried.. haha.. but strong frederick manage to hold back all those tears.. :) yep! haha. real touched~ the loud bdae song which attracted much attention inside and outside of mos burger.. haha.. thank you~

hmm. the beary bank and tt mug is super duper ultra cute~ haha. as cute as me.. so suits me alot. LOL!!! hahahs.. hope me yilun and keeann can realli save up wif tt bear... i shall strt saving now~ woohoo!!! XD on a saving frenzy. diaos... yep! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea.. and keeann~ u made a realli nice poem... haha.. lol.. mayb can make into a song huh? i shall try... :) hahas.. thnx... damn nice! touched touched~

wow! wad a touching 16th nov...

oooo... do u tink such touchin events end un jus a dae? haha. nope!!! i was quite surprised tooo... XD

to tiffany weijian shalene hilda kokhao jianhong:

wooo... the mv rocks.. haha.. cux its my song~ hahaha.. no lahs.. its realli damn nice... hmm.. for those whu went kbox.. yep.. i haf a realli big smile on.. but i m touched to tears deep in... haha.. didnt expect u guys to spend so much tym on tis.. yea.. haha.. 4 daes rite? near full daes somemore.. stayed up till like 1/2 am? haha. thnx man! nice video.. hope i can post tt on blog thou.. so yea~ send me send me~ ahah. mux share gd stuff wif everyone! ahahs. yea~ and looking forward to the "Fahrenheit" Mv tt u guys made~ haha...

ooo... haha.. and needa help tiff and weijian clarify stuff.. on 16th nov.. they didnt stay for the celebration cux they rushed off to shalene's hse to do some touchin up for the video.. omg~ realli touched to hear tt.. haha.. and they stayed up once agn to send the video or sth~ haha.. u guys realli did alot..

haha.. but made me (such a poor boy) spend 15.50 bucks on kbox.. LOL.. haha.. but nevertheless... ITS TOTALLY WORTH IT!~ thanks guys!!!!

to theng tat:

hahaa.. thanks for ur bdae prezzie!!! haha.. i can fulfil my resolution wif tt.. appear wif cool hairstyles everydae!!! thanks!!!

yep! so a touching 17th nov!!!!

haha.. bet lotsa u r damn jealous rite? wad a fortunate guy i m.. to haf celebrations over 2 daes.. kinda like chinese new year.. haha.. jus tt mine is like bout 7 times less~ LOL.. yea.. but.. tis is the BEST bdae i haf ever had in 16 years of my life... thank you guys.. realli dunno wad to sae except for a big thank you!!! but hope u guys can feel that tearing heart of mine.. haha.. nt bcux i m sad.. but tt i m realli touched...

ooo.. yea.. jo! thanks for remembering my bdae aft like 5 years? wow... thanks man!

haha.. yea.. b4 i forget~ pls send me photos guys~ haha... i hope to post all the photos tgt wif the photo of my prezzies like real soon~ wanna show off my great frens and great prezzies.. I GONNA MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD JEALOUS!!! hahaha...

THANK YOU GUYS!!! LOVE YA LOTS!!!

ooo.. yea.. b4 i forget.. haha.. by popular demand.. i mite reveal tiffany and jiawei's faces... LOL... if i manage to get like 20 request through the tagboard? haha... i shall reveal their faces.. hahahahahahhahahaha... hhuuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ lol...

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO ME!

2007-11-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~

HAHA.. so pathetic rite? wishing myself happy birthdae. diaos... woots. thnx for all those whu actualli remembered... realli touched.. hmm.. haha.. thank you man! esp hilda for tt super long message.. haha!! thnx peeps!.. a brand new start of my 17th year... yesh! i will heed ur advice and try nt to b emo for tis 17th year~ but.. kinda hate this number.. makes me feel so old~ haha. time flies~ ok.. shall nt continue jus in case my emo self appears agn.. LOL hmm..

17th year resolution!
1) i shall start eating less and slim dwn!
2) i shall start exercising regularly!
3) i shall start studying hard!
4) i shall use less of the com!
5) i shall cut dwn on my monthly sms!
6) i shall do all my hw on time!
7) i shall b less emo!
8) i shall stay happy as far as possible!
9) i shall control my temper!
10) i shall learn to tink less!
11) i shall learn to b less crazy!
12) i shall b more serious!
13) i shall make more new friends!
14) i shall go for wad i wan!
15) i shall love the ppl arnd me more!
16) i shall treasure wad i haf and nt let ani slip away!
17) i shall treat myself better and love myself more!!! hahas!

woohoo~ 17 resolutions on my 17th bdae! hahaa. cool man! hopefully i can fulfill all those man~! GO GO GO!!!

17th year wish list!!!
1) new MP3
2) PSP
3) new Handphone
4) new figure ( ahahaha.. craps... )
5) new handsome face (hahaha... whu wanna sponsor me for a plastic surgery? LOL!!! craps..)

woohoo~ hope i can save enuff money for the first 3? haha.. but kinda impossible cux i m a poor boy~ haha.. the last 2 shall appear in my dreams~~~ lol!!!

THANKS MUM! WOOTS. thanks for tt lovely birthdae cake~ and those pizzas~ woooooo.. tink i haf gained another 17kg~ hahaha... oh no~~~ fat fat me is here agn~~~ *shoo fats~ shoo~~ shoo~~~* lol.. k. kinda crazy.. hmm.. but i guess its kinda better than emo? hehes.. a pretty gd start huh? :P

wishing me all the best for this 17th year ahead!!! best of luck Frederick!

*mmmm.. yum yum~*

wen my wishes are lighted~

woohoo~ pizza + cheese sticks!~

wanna haf a bite??

sick

2007-11-13T01:18:00.000+08:00

hais~ haf been falling sick lately... hmm.. mite b due to the poor weather tis month i guesS? hopefully i can recover soon? hahas..

i thought alot but i realised none.. i wish i will soon to come...

chalet!

2007-11-08T17:53:00.000+08:00

wooohooo~! jus came back frm chalet (5-7 nov)... damn cool to haf the first chalet wif s12.. hmm.. the fun aside, this amazing exp shocked me wif ppl sleeping so much and so early.. hahas. anw~ had quite some bit of fun at the chalet... even our dearest ct came and even played truth or dare wif us!! wahaha! went out for midnight trail at pasir ris park... hahs. it was said tt i will scare ppl through the walk.. but.. hmm.. i realli didnt realise tt. hehes. but.. the walk was quite fun.. talking.. and even played at the playground~ hmm... rent a bike the veri nxt dae.. and i wanna sae sorry to kin phang~ haha. made a abrupt turn and end up crashing into his bike.. luckily he was nt injured.. but i m... hah. poor me.. but thanks to kp for trying veri hard to lift such a heavy load up.. haha. thanks to his try tt soften the impact of my fall i guess. hehes. free gym training lehs. nt bad. LOL. anw. it was kinphang's 17 bdae on 7th nov! haha. so actualli bought a cake and celebrated wif him.. he said he was moved to tears but tried hard to prevent himself frm crying~ haha... hmmm.. hehes. yep! so some picturesssss for u guys! ooo. and tiffany is kinda crazy over hotcakes.. =.O diaos~

woots. and my new hockey stick!

new song!

2007-11-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

wahaha! i promised them a song. tadah! here it comes... hmm.. but the sound quality dunno y bcome weird weird de...

credits to weijian for making it into a video clip? haha. lols. hope tiffany and jiawei like it.. XD

crazy ppl

2007-11-03T14:09:00.000+08:00

a bunch of crazy ppl~ hahahaha!!! tot carline wanna 保持形象？

FREELOADER!

2007-10-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

wad the fucking hell! i hate to sae this but i fucking hate freeloaders. i noe tt these vulgarities are seriously polluting my blog but i still haf to sae fucking bastards shall jus vanish frm this universe. wads the pt of being smart but good-for- nothing?! mugging is gd but pure muggers are so fucking idiotic. carnt they jus spend a little of their mugging energy on sth else?! at least help urself! c'mon! its nt like u r doin sth for others nw! u r doin it for ur fucking self! hw nice to b sitting there waiting for ppl to spoonfeed u huh?! i dont noe, but recently u jus suddenly seem so disgusting. the sight of u makes me lose all the happiness tt mite b filling me. shuckS! and i seriously dun understand y some ppl can jus comply and still bother helping wen tt person doesnt even want to do sth to salvage the situation! is keeping mum about everything a solution of all problems! i doubt so huh! but everything is gonna come to an end soon... i hope.

regrets

2007-10-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

i told myself over and over agn that regrets are inevitable in life, hoping i could get over it like real soon. but i realise i cant. everytime i c wad i could haf be in, there is a sudden sadness surging through each and every part of my body.the regret the pain the feeling of having no one to talk to about this. i noe no one can undestand. i noe some will even sae that i crazy or simply ignorant. but i realli wished i had fought for my own wants. whats the point of regretting some mite sae. i dont know for this feeling comes so naturally. kinda beyond my control. i hurt myself but i never got better. life seems to be so aimless now. i dont noe wad i want anymore. i dont know if my choice was right.i no longer have someone whu enlightens me wen i m dwn. i no longer feel wanted. i seem to be floating in the grey area, belonging neither to the black nor the white. i feel left out, i feel despised. the crazy me was sometimes used to cover my sorrows. but i begin to bring me more. i failed my chem consistently but most importantly, i failed my life.