lost

time flies.
i thought i cld get over it... but i realised i have never got over it... just a single word of it and makes me realli miss it... i m sure i made the right choice... cux i m happier now... cux i know i no longer need to dread the every single one due to certain factor... but i also know what a year makes up... its the bonding that is difficult to break... the dream that is difficult to forgo... sometimes i regret my choice... but on a 2nd thought... i knew i was right... cause i can clearly picture every moment... the hostility that lies... i m happy that there are some... whom i realli can believe in... though we are no longer on the same journey... but i know we cld be... in future... im sure... thanks for all those who helped me in one way or another... the little actions really count... sometimes i might haf thought too much... thinking that something else wld haf happened... but it never did... i m sad... but i m now over it... i hope... on a new journey... i hope i can excel... but i dont sense the improvement in me... am i expecting too much of myself in such a short time... or is it just the incompetence of me?... sometimes i m realli stressed... stressful over my own assumptions and analagy... stressful over external factors... i know i have to outshine... but i need encouragement... not the other way round... i know i m nt someone whu goes for "reverse phycology"... it will only make me even more demoralised and even more stressful than before... but i know it meant well... so i tried convincing myself... but there are always limits to everything isnt it?... being someone who thinks alot... i realised me piling myself with lots of unneccessary worries and problems... a simple sentence brings me into in-depth thinking... sometimes more than what is meant to be... but what can i do with this born character of mine?... i carnt even control it myself... i m lost... i dont know what to do...
throughout the years... i m taught through experience... that you shldnt believe in anyone but urself... in the past... i m surrounded by ppl whom i can give out 100% of my trust and confidence to... now... i totally carnt... it seems as though life is just full of lies... full of traps awaiting you to fall into... the thought of ppl smiling at you despite hating you to core... the thought of ppl convincing you that he isnt lying wen in fact he is... all these just sent shivers down my spine... i m afraid... afraid of this world... afraid of ppl... afraid of the lies... afraid of tt evil smile... what lies below innocence might just be a sharp knife awaiting to plunge right through your heart...

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