MOVED

I HAVE MOVED TO WORDPRESS!!!
http://kcirederftrash.wordpress.com


wouldn't be removing this blog though... if i ever regret changing to wordpress, i shall move back.. XD

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haha. these are the photos we took during our mugging session!!! woots.

anyways, wanted to upload the photos that were taken in school... but something freaky happened... I COULDN'T FIND THE PHOTOS THAT JIANHONG SENT ME YESTERDAY!!! OMG!!! ):

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superficial

superficial... is that really the max that it can go? i seriously wonder, but i hope it isn't.

anyways, went studying with lun and kee ann today~ hahas. i must say i did some stuff, but it wasn't exactly productive though. but, we took some photos... haha. hope lun's com will revive real soon and i can update my blog with them!!!

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realising

Yesterday was the last official school day~
Initially, I went to school like just any other normal school days, dreading the fact that it’s another day of waking up early. But, when ms lim played that video she prepared, that indescribable feeling seem to surge through every part of my body. I don't know why, but at the moment in time, memories of the past flashed through my mind, and I begin asking myself what I have done for the past 2 years. Time really flies; 2 years seem to be just such a short time. It just seem as though I entered s12 yesterday. I can still vividly remember the very first time I see everyone of the class. That day, we were having some class session with ms lee, and I remember smiling to kin phang (because I heard quite some bit about him when I was back in acjc) and he looked at me as though I’m some insane freak. I remember sitting beside Wei jian and that’s how I first met everyone from the class.
2 years down the road, a lot of things have happened in my life. First joined hockey as my main cca, but things didn’t turn out well, and I was persuaded to join the floor ball team. I must thank those who encouraged me into the floor ball team, for I’m really thankful to have known each and everyone of the team. Though the times with them were really short, but I guess, the quality time we spent together really made the quantity not matter at all. I still remember the first nationals’ match we played, how we fought as one against our opponents, and how we cheered and jumped with joy when victory came to us. The happy moments we had, will be kept within me till the very last breath of mine.
2 years down the road, S12 has never failed to accompany me through the ups and downs of my life. I miss those days where we would visit Kbox, singing till our throats turned dry. I remember the very first time there and how I didn’t dare to sing because I was all too shy, till the subsequent sessions where I felt so easy singing along with everyone. I remember my 17th birthday there, where the MV almost brought me to tears, where you guys sang the very first lousy song that I wrote. I remember, the many times when I felt all so sad and troubled, and you guys would always ask me if I’m ok. The every little thing you guys did really meant a lot to me, for I really treasure my friends and the moments spent.
Unhappy things are inevitable in life, and I don’t deny that there too are times when things didn’t turn out well. But those times have passed and only the good will be remembered.
Those thoughts that ran through my mind brought me to tears. I didn’t wanted to cry, for I feel that its just so embarrassing, but those tears of mine just quietly creep out of my eyes. Looking at the every teacher that taught me, I felt so guilty. Even when typing this very post, tears still filled my eyes. I regretted not doing my regular tutorials during my year one days; for I guess I wouldn’t have that much of difficulty catching up in the 2nd year. I felt that I have let them down, for I know how much they cared and contributed to the wellbeing of every single one of us in class. I’m really thankful that the school has provided us with the best teachers of the college, guiding us through every doubt that we might have. It’s just that I didn’t know how to treasure them well.
I hate earth for rotating that fast and it’s yet another time to part. I hate the fact that we wouldn’t be spending every day together after that last official day of school. I will definitely miss you guys, for you are the ones who made my 2 years all so fulfilling and sweet. But parting is just so heart wrenching. But I guess, its just part and parcel of life. Though so, I hope and I pray, that our friendship will remain, though I know, it’s really hard, I pray…

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inference

thinking too much, infering too much into things, might sometimes just lead to lots of misunderstanding i guess? i think its time to think less :)
but still, its comforting to when friends can openly say everything and clear all misunderstandings possible. maybe thats the way to maintain a healthy and close friendship? hahas... but its really a blessing to have known all the friends around me. (:

i think i am starting to get used to it.
2 days into the plan, and i think its rather ok?
although i must say that i am constantly reminded of those things, be it because of the people around me, or simply because of my dreams. i must admit, i have been dreaming quite alot recently, various stuffs, stuffs that could even make me cry in my dreams. but i guess, time will heal all wounds? at least i hope that will happen. anyways, plan is still going on smooth. i just hope, this is the right thing to do. although i really cant bear to do so, but i guess i need to. falling deeper might just not be good.

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jiawei's bdae

shall post a little...
went to glass house to celebrate jiawei's birthdae todae...
was a fun dae... but too bad i fell ill.. kept wanting to vomit.. dont noe why...
so ended up nt eating much... haha., but i mux thank shalene tiff and kp for constantly filling up my plates... i bet they thought i didnt eat cux im on diet on sth... but nope.. haha. its just that i wasnt feeling too well. but anws, thanks man! i realli appreciated that...
anws, went to watch house bunny after that... super duper funny... hahahs... laughed like mad... nice show man!!! its a must watch... yep! tts for the dae... super tired.. shall blog more after shir uploads the photos...

anws...
they kissed... (:

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sad

GOSH! IM DAMN SAD! YES! I AM DAMN SAD!!!! but this time im sad cux of a different thing... im sad cux i failed my physics paper!!! urgh! i didn't expect myself to do that badly man. i think i have let down mr lim... sorry~ hais... i guess i didnt work hard enough for my papers? ): SAD X infinity... ok.. but like what mr lim and kinphang sae~ still hafta move on ehs... XD so i shall pick myself up and move on... lol... ok.. im blogging just to sae im sad... ):


anws, went to eat at pizza hut with s12b todae. gosh. we r totally a bunch of crazy ppl acting insanely in pizza hut.. haha.. but i mux sae todae is a fun and happy dae... damn ironic... for a moment im sad... the nxt im happy... and the nxt im sad again~

dont remind me of physics~~~

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happy

HAPPY!!! haha... yep! went out with s12b yesterday... lols. anws, went for steamboat at vivo!!! i mux sae its not really that nice though~ but it turn out to be cheaper than expected... yea~ its steamboat cum celebration of jianhong hilda and shirlene's bdae!!! haha.. damn cool rite?! hahaha.. ok.. im damn lame~ anw... here are some photos that we took!!! XD (ARR!!! but kinphang isn't in the photos cux hes late!!! NOOO~~~!!!!)



i tot me and kok agreed to make ugly face?! is he ugly???hhaha
omg. this photo is disgusting!!! lol

ooo.. anw, aft tt went out with shir kp and gary~ haha... went to kfc, den kopitiam... jus talked some random stuff~ but they actualli woke me up~ as in... from my emonesS? ok.. shibin and jianhong came to ask me abt this waking up thing~ actually, its just that the things that they did made me realise alot? maybe is because of the care and concern? haha... i mux thank them anw... oh... and actualli wanted to stay out overnite.. but my mama screamed at me.. i tot she was pissed... but end up she isnt... lol!! she just bu fang xin that i stay out overnite? hahas.. so in the end shir kp and gary pei me cab to bp... den they went to cine to watch bangkok dangerous... hahahs!!! i damn nice.. because i felt guilty, so i decided to stay up with them... XD moral support man! yeps! hahas.

the pact we made with gary~ ARR!!! KINPHANG POSER!!!

yea!!! frederick shall become a happy and healthy boy!!! wee~~~

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223 entry

this is the 223rd entry... time really flies~ Got a little bored right after prelims, and started to run through the stuffs that i have been keeping all these while. i realised how much i have in the little box of mine, letter, notes, photos, autograph book, so much so much that brought back memories. while reading through the every page, every letter, i smiled. how much i yearn to go back to the past, how much i hated myself for not treasuring what i used to have.
i never knew what it mean when people say that its good to stay as a child, what it mean when people say how precious innocence might be. now, i know. its such a blessing that innocence do exist in our life, how sweet it is, that everyone at that stage of life treat each other truthfully. you don't plot against people, you don't say you like the person when you don't, you simply give your all if u like that person. how straightforward life has been in the past, you just need not think that much into things isn't it?
As, you grow up, things really change, the people around you, the environment, every single thing just changed. yea, some might say, changes are inevitable in life, and i don't deny that's a fact, but sometimes, this stupid me, just can't stop myself from thinking back. comparisons kill, i know. i just wonder, how many people here, reading this post, agree that they have smiled less, laughed less as they grow up. for me, i realised all these turned into a luxury. i realised how much less i have been smiling, how much less i have been laughing, i mean, those smiles and laugh that really came from the bottom of your heart. i wonder if it is just so hard to stay happy, or is it just me who keeps thinking too much?
i guess, over the years, how people see me has never changed. bad, i must say. that proves that i haven really changed for the better i guess? maybe i should start some constant reminder to make myself constantly aware of the things that i do. i hope, within this year, i would change to be a better person. i pray.
looking at the every photo that i took, i saw the many faces that accompanied me through thick and thin and i hated life. i hated the fact of life that causes changes, and changes that causes human relationships to fade. at every transition in life, we seem to lose the one that we loved, the one that have been through thick and thin with us, just because we are forced to go on different paths, pursuing our studies. how sad can life be? how hard it is to find that someone in life, the friend that you can trust and depend on, and how easy it might be that he will be gone? it has always been the case since young isn't it? i remembered, how i silently sat in a corner of the class when we were allocated to different classes in our primary 3 days. i remembered how i lied on the table, ignoring everyone else in the room, and how my tears rolled down uncontrollably, because i knew, once we are in different classes, we will never be as close as we used to be. i remembered how i assured myself and him in primary 6 that even though we might be going to different schools, our friendship will not change, that we will try hard to keep in contact. but i guess, that never happened... maybe, i just didn't try hard enough.
i hope and pray... that such things will never happen again... although i know they will...

i told myself that i should do it, and i guess i will. if its meant to be it will be right? i guess i Will send out the letter then. if it ends like that, i will be convinced that i have tried.

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AFTER PRELIMS

YAYEEE!!!! finally~ prelims are over man! had the last chem paper yesterdae (since its 1.31 am now) hahas. i think im kinda screwed for the chem paper, as in, i thought it was kinda difficult, but some people actually said that its ok. wells, i guess im just nt that strong in chemistry yea? anyway, i just hope that i can at least get a decent grade for my chem paper~ *prays* hmm... but i guess, i didnt really put in much effort for this prelims. have been slacking my time away, studying halfheartedly. i guess, its too late to regret now~ everything is over.

anyway, had a whole day of fun today! went down to town to catch a movie and our poor weijian lost his phone in the movie theatre. i must comment the assistants over at the movie theatre werent exactly compassionate at all, as in to me, they looked kinda can't be bothered with the phone? BAD! hahas. anw, after the movie, went to stone at bpp macs den went down for bowling~ aww... we lost in the end~ sad. hahhas. went to pastamania after that~ gosh~ so broke after today.



saying i no longer care
im lying
saying i no longer think
im lying
saying i no longer bother
im lying
saying i no longer feel
im lying
but the world is full of lies
living in lies
that might just be what life is.

i lie, hoping to convince myself~
lying to the heart
lying to the mind
lying to the soul...

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new slippers and bag

WOOTS!!! thanks to both my sis~ I HAVE GOT NEW braziliano praia SLIPPERS AND reebok BAG!!! XD
Happy~~~

having physics paper 1 and 2 tomorrow... gosh~ i pray for good results~

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jiaxi's wedding

Went for jiaxi's wedding today... haha... vegetarian dinner... and i realise actualli vegetarian food can taste damn good too. (:

tired~ haven been really studying~ ): time to start doing some last minute revision for my tue and wed papers... hope at least... can get a decent grade...

i pray~

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shirlene's chinese

hahahs... this is quite a funny convo with kinphang and shirlene... i cant believe her chinese is.... hahahahhs... enjoy~! lol... im mean.. hahahs


=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i ask her.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
how do you sae 知足常乐
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
in eng
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
and she ask me wads tt
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
if tts "know how to enjoy"
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
faints.
shirlene ♥ says:
know how to enjoy lor
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
see~
:Þ Strike!!! says:
LOL
shirlene ♥ says:
huh i dont see where got wrong
shirlene ♥ says:
zhi dao the zhi
:Þ Strike!!! says:
HAHAHA
:Þ Strike!!! says:
ya
shirlene ♥ says:
uh huh
shirlene ♥ says:
= know
shirlene ♥ says:
xin shang
shirlene ♥ says:
= enjoy
shirlene ♥ says:
add tog = know to enjoy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
wa
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
xin shang???!?!??!
:Þ Strike!!! says:
dunno wad to type
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
where did tt word appear?
shirlene ♥ says:
oh shit
shirlene ♥ says:
shang le
shirlene ♥ says:
hhahahah
shirlene ♥ says:
issit
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
kinphang~
:Þ Strike!!! says:
wa
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
c6
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
=.=
:Þ Strike!!! says:
pls lei
:Þ Strike!!! says:
dun remind mi
shirlene ♥ says:
LOL
shirlene ♥ says:
LOL
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i see a freaking huge problem with o lvl chinese.
shirlene ♥ says:
haaahaahhahah pls tell me what is it
shirlene ♥ says:
I GOT A2

=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
i bet u prayed hard for the paper.
shirlene ♥ says:
of cos i did
shirlene ♥ says:
=]
shirlene ♥ says:
miracle leh

:Þ Strike!!! says:
I BET U STAPLED 50 DOLLARS
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
HAHAH
shirlene ♥ says:
OMG
shirlene ♥ says:
OMMGMGGGGG
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
yarhs. tts wad rmks do.
shirlene ♥ says:
IDIOT

shirlene ♥ says:
WAD DOES IT MEAN
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
its describes rich man like u lorhs
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know how to enjoy
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
haha
:Þ Strike!!! says:
haha
shirlene ♥ says:
huh so my meaning correct?
:Þ Strike!!! says:
WA
:Þ Strike!!! says:
I CANT BELIEVE IT
:Þ Strike!!! says:
SHE STILL TINKS SHE IS CORRECT
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
shirlene ♥ says:
hahah i never
shirlene ♥ says:
but he say like tt ma
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
rich man usually knows how to enjoy life.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
hhaha
shirlene ♥ says:
ayyyy so wad does it mean
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
ask kinphang
:Þ Strike!!! says:
know foot always happy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
hahahaha
shirlene ♥ says:
lol huhhhh?
:Þ Strike!!! says:
zu is foot
:Þ Strike!!! says:
chang le is always happy
:Þ Strike!!! says:
hahaha
shirlene ♥ says:
but dont mak sense leh
:Þ Strike!!! says:
makes sense
:Þ Strike!!! says:
u ask fred
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
haha
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
yarhs
shirlene ♥ says:
=[
shirlene ♥ says:
then why u ask me
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
but i dunno how to express well in eng mahs
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know foot always happy sounds weird.
shirlene ♥ says:
what is know foot

=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know foot
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
know ur leg.
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
tt means like..
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
u mux noe ur limits of how much ur leg can take
=Fred= turning from hope to despair says:
den u will remain happy.
shirlene ♥ says:
wahlao okay
shirlene ♥ says:
chim
:Þ Strike!!! says:
yea

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giving up

从奢望
到期望
到盼望
到失望
到绝望

梦应该醒了吧

压抑自己的情绪

走下去。。。

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happy

frederick shall post a happy post today...

HAPPY!

hahas... rare huh? its been ages since my post looks happy i guess?
i dont know how to put it in words...
but i guess...
im both shocked and happy to realise how much ppl mite haf cared for me...

i thank those who tagged...
hahas... you guys have alwaes been by my side when im down... XD



through that incident... i realise how foolish i was... to neglect is a real sin... sorry...
feeling dumb due to unnecessary worries will never happen again... cux i will never let it happen again.. i promise...
best of friends...
i will alwaes remember that...

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forget

i am in a total lost now...
did all i could to distract myself...
played drum game...
swept the floor...
mopped the floor...
watched anime...
slept throughout the day...
drank...
but i just couldnt get myself away from this sadness...
indeed...
lotsa things happened over the weekend...
i wanted to confide...
but i realised i couldnt...
my heart is contracting every minute...
every second...
now i see the true me within...
i convinced myself that i understood...
every single thing that i have been thinking about...
but i realised understanding and accepting is totally different...
switching off my phone...
i told myself...
its time to close myself up...
maybe...
somehow...
if its not meant to be...
it will never be...
some may think that this post is about a single thing...
but i can assure u its not...
its more than that...
the sadness within...
shall be locked up...
now i truely understand how naive i have been...
i thought that i have found the one...
but its all just a dream...

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sad

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28847325473469682496822682326843733948463111
6694863377826384284876325584394453448464111
666288374696423464448286968111
96896853638373335488428929111
968968535878634636374774828464111
4873386844465442833462559368637663663946664226337363669436463696111
66946634697664111
49455925387376669373267111
732559111
968865363668862336626378294277966968724784329111
47845553788436377243111
6383734347325473111
4896853238436639466648732833276923787258648786384476824111
4264633333862111
788743111

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physics

today was kinda a short day! Had a 2 hours physics paper and thats it. Felt kinda screwed for the paper! gosh... i even forgot how to calculate the mass of the earth. hais... maybe thats just the result of insufficient mugging~ but i still hope that everything turns out well... (:
Went cafe cartel with tiff weijian and jiawei after the paper.. had a real good lunch and fell asleep the moment i reach home~ felt kinda piggish! econs case study tml... hope i will be blessed with luck... (:






a step back
how awkward a feeling
avoiding seems childish
but thats the only way i think
lacking self control
control over me...

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hard

now i know how it feels like to b an addict.
Kicking whats a habit is hard.
But i can.
Ever changing...

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结束

人生好像终究会结束。。。
要使地球继续转动的当儿。。。
万物都不变。。。因该会比较好吧？
改变。。。 好痛苦。。。

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weird

haha. so weird. 4 posts in a day... ARRR~! but i just feel like typing something... but i just don't know what to say... mix feelings. lols. maybe i m taking too much things to heart... maybe i shouldnt... hahas...
ARR!!! i hate myself for thinking too much..
for caring to much... for giving too much...
if only i m a little more selfish...
if only i m a little more cant be bothered...
maybe it can help making me better off wil it?
but i guess i have turned smarter after every fall...
hahas... yeah... thats life rite? learning from your mistakes...
but sometimes i just repeat them over and over again...
ARRR!!! i should strt constantly reminding myself again..
):






a si ti gong tia gong kia...
wo gong dan bo ay ka ho kuay buay?
gong dan bo si mm si buay xiu a ni zue?
a si guan yim tia seh lang...
ay sai bo bi wa mai xiu a ni zue buay?
ay sai bo bi wa kua lang ka zun buay?

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空虚

在那寂静无人的夜里
空虚空虚
让那思绪飘浮不定
无限无际
看着那高空上的月亮
我默默的祈祷
祈祷那没有未来的渴望
努力努力
真的就能达到目的地？
还是三分天注定
来得更为重要了？
太努力 也未必是一件好事吧？
执著执著
过于执著。。。
频频的提醒着自己
不行不行。。。
但我无法控制 无法抗拒。。。
好累好累
却愚蠢的走下去。。。
梁景能。。。
是说你持之以恒。。。
还是笨到不行？

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3 subjects down

Had Econs and Chem paper today. Gosh! seriously could'nt belive that prelims have actually started! As in, this prelim doesn't feel like one!!! There is totally no stress, no nothing... Don't know what the hell i'm doing man! im so screwed... URGH!~ Today's Econs paper... Frankly, it was quite ok~ but there is seriously a lack of time... so i merely cut short all my points, cause i know if i do otherwise, i wouldn't be able to finish everything... so im keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well for my essay.. Chem is kinda disastourous!!! Initially while i was doing, i though it was a average paper... BUT!!! after the paper!!! gosh!!! i realised the number of grave mistakes that i madE~! i think i should be sentenced to death man! oh my god~ i shall pray that the number of mistakes that i made shall be kept to the minimum~ wouldn't wanna fail another chem test man! ):








a step forward...
caused a step back...
a little nicer....
caused a little hate...
a bit better...
caused a lot worse...
ironies in life...
but why this kind~



tearing in the dark...

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wrong

did i happen to do sth wrong again? ):



a little closer
a little closer
a little thought tt i haf been closer
a distance further
a distance further
a distance tt in fact is further
blinded.

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chem remedial

arrr! Having a break for chem remedial. Haha... Gonna send tis cute thing into my stomach. Wahaha.... Damn cute rite? Lol. XD ooo... N i see tiff jw n jh... Haha... Muggin worhx. So scandalous sia.... (=

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before i slp

its quite some time since i last blogged huh? So i thought i shld jus blog with my phone before i slp. (: haha... But shall kp it short cux i stil haf chem remedial tml. )=
actually... I blogged abt sth jus nw... But i have decided to kp it personal n nt to publish it... XD haix... Tis wk has been a realli tiring one... Prelims strts tml! And gosh! Im so nt prepared! For e past few days, went to mug w lou n shir at macs... But im jux gng so slow 4 chem... (as usual) tt al my other subs r left untouched. Hahax... Gosh... Ok... I tink im nt gona do wel for prelims. *sigh* but hopefully, it can serve as a wake up call for my As. XD
anw... Mug w lou til quite early yest... N we saw schling kids gng sku... N it jux feel so weird... Haha. We r students too... But we r roaming arnd lyk some dropouts... Ooo... N i tink e kopi roti at yewtee mrt is a franchise of tt at je... Or did i rem wrongly? Lol...
N 4am breakfast at macs is jux such a blessing! Oh. N nasi lemak is jux as rewarding. XD
Hmm... I guess enough of e updates... Its tym to slp... Nitex!
Oh... N 933 onli reads out my dedication wen shir sends it. )= but its nice tt they played e song i requested. XD
NIGHTS PPL. <3

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i dunno

i don't know.
i'm confused.
sometimes i thought improvement was made.
but the next moment doubts came into play.

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201

愚蠢
第两百零一则感触了
悲与喜伤与乐
点点滴滴填写了这部落格
回头看看往事
赫然发现自己的愚蠢
一次一次的受伤
却又一次一次的栽进去
一次一次地说要改
却又一次一次的失败
是性格的问题吗？
好想学学天灾的性格
不管他人的眼光
好想学学蜗牛的个性
不管他人的嘲笑
人的七情六欲
就一定要包含感触吗？
就不能活在自我的世界里吗？
如能抛开他人的眼光
做个真正的自己
那该有多好?
坐在那快速直冲的车上
周边的景色似乎模糊了
有时候，真想放慢脚步
慢慢的欣赏。。。
付出的，似乎都成空。
不在乎的，似乎却一直陪着我。
是时候了。
这一次。。。
我一定要为自己为真正关心的。
交待。。。








明明是讨厌
却装作没事
明明是讨厌
却为未来铺路
好可怕
人心真的好可怕
讨厌就不能直率的说吗？
讨厌却需要装出喜欢吗？
就算不让人知道讨厌。。。
至少不会违背良心的装出关心吧？
好希望每个人都能坦白。。。
好希望虚伪的人快快离开。。。
虚伪的你。。。
就是你。。。
你是人类中最要不得的东西。。。
不要再发出那恶心的笑声。。。
不要再假扮合群。。。
因为让人反胃。。。
因为让人憎恨！

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?

what can i say?
Its such a joke. Yea. I laugh.
I guess i must get used to it.

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i tired it

i tried it today, but i don't know if i did the right thing. but one thing for sure, it isn't what i would do usually. i guess, its just a fact of life that you have to give up some things to attain others, but i can't be sure if the trade off is worth it. maybe, through doing so, i am treating myself better, but i'm really not sure whether this is what i want. on a 2nd thought though, i realise that maybe i should, cux of the many things that have happened and i guess i should have learn from past mistakes. if i were to continue, i will just be trapping myself in this bottomless pit. so, i guess, maybe its ok to do so? hahas. at least for myself? sounds really selfish huh? but, yea, i shall just view it that way. at least for now.
went to je with lou and shir to develop photos for cip and study a little. when we were waiting for the photos to be ready, we went to this shop that says "cheapest in town" (if i don't remember wrongly?). i must say the stuffs in there are insanely cheap! hahas. seriously... but i guess its gonna close down soon... hahas. a pity man~ such a nice place to stock up~ XD yea. and went to do math! omg. i must say, im quite proud of myself that i actually did the paper for lecture! BUT!!! to my greatest disappointment, the lecturers are... *sigh*
ooo... i must say, today is yet another enriching GP lesson! hahas. love GP now man~ every lesson is just so interesting, especially with a "drama queen" as your GP teacher~ double GP is not that tiring after all man. (: but... we are only left with 1 session of GP~ *sighs* but hopefully we would make the best out of it yea?


i decided to take a little step forward
a step that i had never dared to take
i know it might not be right
but i guess i should do it
at least for now
i shall.


i choose not to see.
i choose not to feel.
i choose not to think.
i choose not to hear.
i choose not to care.

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FOUND

hmm.. thanks shalene, i know that my blog has been found. i know it will be, but i seriously didnt expect it to be that fast. i don't know how you guys got to find my blog, but i seriously don't wanna noe (ok, but i asked shalene, but she refuses to reply. anws, on 2nd thought i dont want to know) because i'm afraid that it will turn out to be something that i don't want to know. hahas. yea. according to the UN universal declaration of human rights article 11, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty (--> woots. i did pay attention during gp lesson man!). hahas. yea. innocent until provn guily! that shall be it for now. maybe i should at least convince myself to retain that basic trust i should have in all my friends. hmmm.. maybe i got cheated before (like the stupid mentos machine case~) but i shall continue my belief that i should trust my friends, cux they are who i will lead the rest of my life with.
hmm... i think alot of people think that im emo todae. i mux sae, its not really the case. trust me man. partially cux i felt a little tired, partially cux i just don't wanna talk too much. hahs. cux, the more you say, the more faults you will make! so i shall strt making my comments scarce. (: mayb people will appreciate that better. ok, maybe at some point in time during the day i got a little emo, cux as usual, im thinking bout stuffs again, but most of the time i'm not. i swear. XD i just wanna become more quiet, thats all. don't try to lure me into making alot of noise again k? hahas. no lahs, i don't think i will. at least for the week i guess. (: that shall be my aim for now! hahs. yea! hahs.
omg, i feel super guilty, but i guess my choice was right. i chose not to take my math test todae, cux i seriously didn't study and i don't wanna waste a practice when i am not sure of my stuff. i sincerely apologise to mrs ong, but i really cannot take the test. like what you said, we shouldn't decieve ourselvs, and i really don't want to. (: but i promise i will do the test on my own, timed, and not cheat myself.
anws, I AM RELIEVED! before gp lesson, i was still talking to cecilia about how our gp teacher would be like. i went something like " hais, hope the teacher isn't that strict. but i guess she wil be someone rather old? did she like retire 2 years back? omg." hahs. BUT!!!! TADAH!!! my gp teacher rocks man! shes a damn good teacher. in just 2 periods, i got enlightened like never before (not that my prev gp teacher wasn't good though... she is! just that hmm... maybe the way she teaches isn't the way i can learn... but i'm sure... others benefited alot from her lesson cux i mux sae she is a really patient teacher who never gave up on us... anw, i wish her best of health and a bright future ahead!!!) ooo... back to my new gp teacher... shes super motherly, friendly, kind, cheerful, in, and most importantly, SHE IS FULL OF CONTEXTUAL KNOWLEDGE~~!! she sure is a good gp teacher. hahas. with her arnd, 2 periods is like super short!!! we went like " huh? lesson is over? so fast?" hahas. this proves to show how engagin her lesson is man! ROCKS! hahs. hope that in the scarce time left, we would be able to make the best outta it and shine in our prelims. (hopefully...) *prays*
woohoo~ i think today has been a great day! i must say i have been a good boy *smiles*
hahas. good fred! hahas.
hmmm... but i guess i did tease shalene abit during gp lesson... hahas... cux she lured me to... she just cldnt stop herself from.............. (i guess you know what i mean?)
YEAH~!!! HAPPY FRED SHALL LEAD A HAPPY DAY TML!!!



p.s. im nt emo lahs. mayb abit. but i just wanna talk less. (:

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straightened out my thinking

yea. i have changed my blog add... haha. but i didnt tell anione except keeann cux he asked. yeah.. i tink some people will find it super weird why http://pasteurize.blogspot.com/ no long lead to that real emo blog. the answer is simply cux someone changed it to another address. not that i dun have a reason though, i just thought that a emo blog affects one's mood, so, i thought i should make it less available to everyone. its just such a pain to remain sad and emo, so i might as well let others lead a happy life and not be affected by my posts yea? hahs. yea, i guess throughout the years, through my blog, i have attained the title of being a emo kid. sometimes i thought why i have to be one, but mayb its just who i am? but i guess some people will think that im faking my way through the blog since i m that noisy and irritating in school. i guess, its time to remove that mask of mine? i shall not be that irritating and crazy animore. i hope i can persist and remove that mask of mine, as in, having worn it for such a long time, it kinda got stucked. but i guess, its time that its removed. i no longer see the need to look cheerful when im not, i no longer see the need to act crazy when im not, i no longer see the need to remain as the "wan bao" when somtimes i just get so tired of it. ironic huh? maybe upon seeing this, many will just exclaim "not want to remain as wan bao? what a joke!" but if you are to want to treat it as a joke, so be it. i no longer see the need to explain anithing of mine to anibody. i m really thankful to that someone. im serious. from the bottom of my heart, i thank him, for being so truthful to me. yea, maybe i did cry after seeing those, maybe i really got emo after seeing all those, maybe i really teared into dreams after seeing those, although my heart will suddenly contract, making me so uncomfortable after seeing all those. but, i thank him, for telling me the truth. i guess i have known the truth for a very long time. i know it, but i just refused to accept it. i thought i am right to continue since mayb i can appear less emo, and people will not say im dao and all those. but i guess, im wrong. goodbye mask, he reminded me of my stupid doings. mayb its time to stop. anws, this incident has also reminded me of what the fortune teller told me years back. i guess he is right, but i just didnt heed his advice. maybe, its time i do. treating myself better is maybe one of the solution. actually, i thought i should try not to care about how others look and feel about me and just be myself, but i guess it will be real hard. i tried it once, and it turned out that people are so against me. is it really that hard to accept the change? sometimes i just want to be who i am and not who others want me to be. no one is perfect in this world, but why is it that you choose to look at people's good but chose to look at my bad? or is it simply because frederick neo is just a rotten apple to all of you. many things happened all these while. all the words, all the actions, make me feel so hurt, feel so tired. yea, maybe sometimes i will just smile, i will just laugh, but i confess, deep inside, im really hurt. maybe its a joke, maybe im taking it too seriously, but have you ever thought that those words actually matched with some other stuff which further proved to me that my deductions were right? i really feel super lonely now. yesterday, i felt really down, but i could find no one to talk to. i wanted to find kee ann. but i know he wouldnt understand since we are in different schools, so he wouldnt know what exactly happened. but i must say, if anything outside school stuff were to happen, he will be the first i will confide in. maybe i should just count myself lucky, cux i have such a friend in my life. (: thanks kee ann.

anw, i m really glad that i changed my blog add. haahas. i know somehow, sooner or later, this link will be found again. but at least for now, not many people really know this link, so at least i can write alot, shout out alot, without worrying about how people will laugh at my post. its so stupid isn't it? my heartfelt words, every single word deep down from my heart turned out to be a joke. turned out to be something that people memorises and laugh about in their daily gossips. sometimes i just laugh my way through, sometimes i looked as if i cant be bothered, but i do. who wouldnt? you guys are my friends after all! what you guys say, what you guys do, mean alot to me. im serious. but mayb this line gonna turn out to be a joke again. hahs. thats fate, thats life. im a joker. but not the dark knight joker of cause.. im not that psyco... haha. but on a side note, he rocks man! his acting skills are superb. XD

ARR!!! ---> thats exactly i wanna do. i wasted these 4 days! hahas. 2 days cux i thought i should let myself relax, and the other 2 days cux i was straightening out my thoughts, cux i got really affected that i couldnt focus on anithing. i mux apologise to my family cux i think these 2 days, my temper was super bad. i sincerely apologise. but rest assurred, i will not do it again. if i say im feeling better, i would be lying. but i don't want to. i will put it bluntly. I AM HURT. but its okay i guess? the hurt is worth it, cux its better than any alarm on earth! it woke me up immediately. i learned, and i would change for the better. (: i told you that one should change. but we shouldnt change to fit what others want us to be. but for me, this time, its different. im changing into who i want to be. a better man. hahas. mayb by doing so i can attract more gals too. XD but with my looks, aiya. i think... forget it. i shall just change to be a better man to attract more friends. hahas.

WA!!! i realise by writing out all these my post turn out to be super long!!! omg. hahas. aiyox. i pity those who will be reading this post. sorry man~ make u guys go through such a long lousy essay. paiseh lahs! hahas. but this really made me feel better (eh. liddat contradict with what i say just now! hahas. but u should get what i mean?). WOOHOOOOO!!! thanks blogspot! for providing me with such a medium to express myself. hahas. arrhhs. maybe if there were to be any GP essay on blogging i can pen down my real life experience.. maybe... say " according to professor neo, blogging is a good way for one to relieve their inner emotions when they find they have no one to talk to..."----> memorise this k? maybe it will help you in your prelims.. XD

hm.. yea. i think i have written down all that i want to say...

oh ya. i tried writing another song yesterday... but i failed ): i wanted to include all those emotions that surged through my blood, but the tune doesn't seem to go right, and i keep having flashbacks which made me really irritated. so i abandoned. shall remember this feeling and pen down my lyrics another day... BUT I SERIOUSLY NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH ME GUITAR!!! or at least how to do cords with piano. I'm such a lousy grade 6 pianist. ha ha. i cant even do accompaniment. urgh... noob me!!! if only someone would enlighten me~ will i be able to start composing more noob songs. but i guess i still got a long way to go before i'm able to come out with something appealing... the songs now are like.. EEEEEE~!!!! hahas.

ok~ bye bye. i shall go off now. i have wasted 4 days... its time to do some homework for tml.. shall not disappoint my teachers. hahas. homework!!! here i come!!!

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.............

无言

沉默的天盖住我双眼
平静的海灌溉我双眼
无言
因为不知该说些什么
无言
或许我早就料到结局
我却欺骗自己
海滩是永远离不开海
那是祸是福谁来决定
水让人类有喜有忧
恨与爱就一线之间
付出太多得到是什么
我不知该做什么
付出太多得到是什么
我的心真的痛了
真的累了
文字掩盖了我双眼
文字掩盖了我的心
文字掩盖了我的魂
想让音符表达心意
音符却飘到海里去
海底捞针般找不到
望着黑暗的空间
静静的它来了
满满的慢慢的
陪伴我入睡
却冲不淡那忧伤

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mixed feelings

now i know why some people wanna blog in this way...
mayb sometimes u just feel like blogging...
but u need no body to see what you want to blog about...
cux u cant even express urself...
or u noe that you cant...
this feeling is surging through every part of my body...
this strange feeling...
this mix feeling...
i know i shldnt care so much...
but i cant stop myself from thinking....
i realli cant....
now, i jus feel like lying down.... and not do anithing...
just lie down there... shutting myself from everything else.
waiting is just so tiring.
its worse if its a aimless wait....

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end of the week

today marks the end of the week of schooling. hahas. yep! no school on thurs and fri!!! woots. how nice can that be... but i suppose, this also signifies that its time to really get serious in studying~ arrr.. but i cant seem to do that... can anione out there help me with this... ):


Anws, todae is the last session of our long term cip at bukit panjang primary school. theres this kid who went up to me and sae " im very sad. cux todae is the last session and we dont get to see each other animore..." at this point in time, i dont know how i should react. really. happy? cause someone appreciated the work that we have done? that we did help the kids in their math? or shld i feel sad? because we didnt put up a good show todae? in fact, i got kinda disappointed with the performance today. but i guess, i have no one to blame except for myself, being so inefficient, being so not prepared. its not that easy to lead the crowd i guess? no matter what happens, its always your responsibility to get things going right. even if people delay stuff, its you who should be chasing after the work, cause you and you are responsible for that. ahhas.. seriously, i salute those successful leaders... cux it really isnt something that easy. anws. yea. its all over. 8 sessions of hard work, its finally over.


our gp tutor is leaving. i dunno hw i should react, how i should feel. am i thinking too much into words? or is it just as we inferred? i seriously wonder. why is life so fragile, so unpredictable? i hate myself for not being a good student for the past few months. mayb i shld haf paid full attention like what i haf done todae, instead of dreading gp lessons. i felt the guilt, i apologise. but i guess apology can do nothing much, cux i realised this all too late. when she strted showing us the materials that she has prepared for us, it reminded me of how i complained that she doesnt compile stuffs for us when in fact she does. as she was going through those pile of worksheet, i had this strange feeling... and i hate it... i cant sae its sadness, but its just a disgusting feeling that i hate, i despise. nxt wk, theres a change, a new tchr who retired i guess? i hope its a change for the better... maybe its time that i reflect, that i look back... maybe its only this that will prevent me from ever regretting my actions.


a moment of warmth,
a moment of cold,
a moment of love,
a moment of hate.
its that difficult to reach,
its that difficult to melt.
sometimes i thought i succeed,
but i woke up from my dreams.
taking a little step forward,
but retreating a big step back.
should i or should i not.
am i or am i not.
doubt filled me...
answer me...
should i continue,
or should i stop.

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unpredictable

life is just so unpredictable isn't it? you never get to know just what will happen next, you will never get to control what might happen. just as happiness surrounds us, sadness doesnt let us off just so easily... its just hits one real hard, telling you... "hey~! treasure what you have... cux u never noe when u are going to lose it..." its so scary. life.







recently, i cant rem what i have done just 5 minutes ago.
i tired to recall the route back to the carpark,
but i never remembered how i got out of it...
i tried to recall what made me walk out of my room...
but i never remembered till my mum told me what i have done...
i dunno whats happening to me...
mayb im just scaring myself..
but i hate this feeling of forgetting...
what if im next in the line?
what will the people around me feel?
happy? or will they feel the slightest sadness within?
i realli wonder...
who am i and what i am to each and everyone out there...

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naive

naive.
i thought it would work out.
but now i noe it wldnt.
i used to believe ice cld b melted.
but it sometimes doesnt.
i thought its a step nearer.
but it isnt.
i thought i should sae.
but i realised mayb i shldnt.
i thought i can do it.
but now i noe i cant.

sometimes i take a step back, think.
thinking how the day have past.
this moment i might be really happy.
but the next life tells me i cant.
how cruel can reality be?
im alwaes woken from my dreams.
i hoped and wished i wld never wake up.
but that doesnt seem to happen.
i thought what i have done is fruitful.
but it just turns out to be a joke.
it just makes me feel tired.
whats the point of carrying on?
unappreciated... whats the point.

naive.irritating.childish.annoying.unaccepted.
thats me. frederick neo.





looking at it kinda makes my heart ache.
so near yet so far.
tts life huh?
mayb its just that i wldnt b able to get in in my entire life.




brushing up on gp.
realised how powerful words can be.
mayb i should read more.

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lost

i feel really lost...
lost for words, lost for sense of direction in life....
i don't know what i'm doing...
neither do i know what i should do...
i don't understand how you feel...
and i guess i'm only guessing my way through everyday..
i realli wanna strt doing something....
but nothing seems to start at all..
looking through blogs,
some caused me to tear...
mayb its the sadness within....
mayb its just me...
i dont' know...


in terms of my own life,
i think im really very screwed up...
i am not doing what i want to...
i am not even doing what i should...
everyone has woken up from their dreams...
and im still trapped within...
i think i suck in life...
cux i dun even noe how to handle my own time...
i tink i suck in life...
cux i cant even control what i want...
i need a tight slap...
to remind me im still alive...
to remind me there is still a life for me to lead...
sometimes i realli wonder...
why is your life taken away when u cherish it that much...
but if u dont, you get to live that long?
how ironic can that b?
is it just trying to tell us that we arn't suppose to cherish things that much?
does that mean people who can't be bothered with anything gets EVERYTHING?
i really don't understand...
we are all humans...
humans get tired...
once, twice thrice.... i did it more than that...
but its alwaes the same...
im like on a rollar coaster ride.. sometimes brought to the peak...
at the next moment all the way to the ground...
what am i supposed to do?
persist?
does that really help?
is it because its me?
tts y its happening this way?
i think i might just be the lousiest person in this world...
thats why such happen to me?
giving is to not expect returnS? HA!
what a joke huh? who can do that?
i sometimes wonder if its worth it...
at times i am realli tired...
not just cause of this...
mani other things...
a joke it might seems...
but it just hurt so deeply...
alone it might seems...
but loneliness is just so scary...
who can feel it for me?
who can save me from it?
noone i guess...
no one...
cux no one cares... no one bothers...
who will care... for such lousy person?
yea. a waste of resources~ indeed.









sometimes i think a little more
hoping that i can understnad whats within
sometimes i take a little step
making an advancement it may seems
but careful steps arn't careful
thinking more is just sinful
for getting hurt is me
for causing hurt is you
i wonder what im doing
i wonder if im right
i wonder whats next
i wonder if im well-liked
i wonder what ur thinking
i wonder what i am like
i wonder if im just random
just another passerby.

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i felt it come so near
sweetness in my dreams
i felt it come so near
perfect as it seems
i felt it come so near
praying in my dreams
i felt it come so near
smiling as it seems

but so near yet so far
further than it seems

i felt it went that far
bitterness unleash
i felt it went that far
parts of it missing
i felt it went that far
prayers left pending
i felt it went that far
endless tears falling

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Tiffany's bdae

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIFFANY!!!
hahas. im so nice... using super big font size for her... anw, went to sakura at science centre to celebrate tiff's bdae todae... ate like never before... and i guess i have grown fatter by a 100 times after this meal... didnt even eat much later in the nite for dinner... cux the food is still there in my stomach. hahs. yep. and we played zong zi mi ma... it was damn gross... ewww... luckily my forfeit wasnt that bad. hahas. anw. went to the "playground" after that.. and also sat the stimulator... but i mux sae... the stimulator is a total waste of money.. its just like a jerky bus ride.. =.= it totally pales in comparison with the past. yep.. and the following are photos of the day!!! enjoy~

mirror mirror on the wall...

i dun understand why are there the 2 bright dots

eeewww...

lol. kokhao claims that his lips are hot

before going out~

tsk tsk... who is that someone ehs?

hahas. kinphang's lego art.

FREDERICK!

WEIJIAN!

kinphang and I (:

hilda and tiff (:

Emo shot. lol.

AND NOW....

ITS TIME FOR....

CANDID SHOTS!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet dreams

kinphang and his usual smileshirlene is just so happy with kinphang arnd...sleepy tiffi'm sleepy too...

are u looking at me?

IM FALLING!!!

AWW... dun b emo~

hilda's tinking of cyc...

sweet dreams part 2

AND NOW~

THE LONG AWAITED!!!!

SINGAPORE'S NEXT TOP MODEL!!!

LOL...

tts all folks! hahas. hope the photos are kinda entertaining... lol... (:

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