emoing reflections

its just another day of emo reflections... yep, maybe lots of people now know me as someone who gets emo really frequently, but i must say, all these are because i really tend to think alot into things. some might find this emo character of me really irritating, but i can only say, thats me. sometimes, i just tend to put too much burden on myself, so much so that i tend to blame myself alot when mistakes are made. hahas. thats me yeaH? sounds like someone who totally fails in life huh?
anws. played against vj today... yep... and kinda lost. got really upset, cause i really thought that i sucked today. i didnt know what i was doing, i was in a total state of lost. i don't seem to feel the ball that i used to feel, i don't seem to see the ball that i used to see, i don't seem to play like how i usually do. i don't know why... but i just felt that all because of me i implicated the team. we deserved better scores... i really thought so. yep. at the end of the match, alot of people came forward to say i did well, that i really saved well... but i must say... i'm sorry. i know it myself, i didn't perform as well as the RJ match. i really don't know what i was doing, so much so that i can't even recall how the goals got in. the only thing that i managed to rem was how much hardwork u guys have put in to get the ball, and how i disappointed u guys in not saving 'em. hahas. i know people like gary will strt to talk to me after seeing this post. but really, i am nt blaming myself or anything... i know you will say "你真地做得很好", but i know i didn't... if i have been much stronger. maybe we will cap it at 4... isn't it? i just made our dreams vanish. how evil can i be huh? if you think i am really depressed now... i'm telling you nope! not till after natls. i promised myself that i will stay strong throughout natls. no matter what might happen, no matter how my ankle worsens, no matter how the goals came... i will not let myself get emo! i must get ego right xh? :) i rem. i will work doubly hard for MI and NY... i promise... i will work hard for miricales to happen... i will work hard for pride... i will work hard for the expectations of everyone... corner shots? no fret cux there is fred. >.< hope god will bless me for the next two matches... LETS GO NJ!


i realised that its really difficult to understand someone's heart.. esp. those who don't wanna open theirs... i seriously hope that i can understand more... cux i know that its only this where friends are able to help each other in times when we are down, in times where we are having problems.. isn't it? :) i hope a closed book will b unlocked. i really hope.

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